World Cup 2018 Leavers’ Assembly Duration: around 15 minutes. Cast size suitable for one class - or year group of two or three classes. Who would have thought Mr. Head would have so much trouble in this Leavers' Assembly - disciplining his own staff?! There's Mr. Place - a geography teacher with an unfortunate temper; there's Mrs Sums - with an unfortunate obsession with numbers; there's Mrs Write - with her unfortunate outspokenness ... are you spotting a pattern here? And as for Mr. Force from the science department ... well, let's just say he might have pushed his luck just that little bit too far on this occasion! Anyway, hat's off to Mr. Head as he struggles on. After all, football is just a game, isn't it?! Sample Text Mr. Head: Ah! Mrs Write, our Literacy expert! Mrs Write: (Enunciating every word slowly and perfectly) Good morning, Mr. Head. Good Morning, children! Students: Good morning, Mrs Write! Mrs Write: Before we go any further, I do feel it is important that our children can tell the difference between fact and fantasy! Mr. Head: Er, don't you mean facts and opinions? Mrs Write: (Impatiently) Just so! Though some of my students seem to be indulging in some very worrying fantasies at the moment. Student 1: But you're always telling us to use our imaginations, Miss! Mrs Write: ‘Tis true. But we also need to keep a certain hold on reality. And, to put it bluntly .... (pausing) Mr. Head: (Impatiently) Yes, Mrs Write. We haven't got all day! Mrs Write: Well, as long as you can assure me that I won't upset anyone in speaking my mind? Mr. Head: It's never stopped you in the past! Mrs Write: (Cagily) Well, it's about England's chances of winning the World Cup! Mr. Head: Ah! (Pauses) Now I see where you're coming from. Could I suggest you proceed with extreme caution? With extreme tact, even? Mrs Write: Oh don't you worry! You're looking at somebody who can not only write to the highest standard but is also always right in everything she says .. Mr. Head: (Aside) And so modest with it! Mrs Write: Let me just tell anyone who is nursing any illusions about England winning Mr. Head: (Anxiously) I think I mentioned tact, Mrs Write? Mrs Write: Well .... (takes a deep breath and then blurts out) England doesn't stand the faintest chance of winning the World Cup! (Mr. Head covers his head in despair, as all students rise to their feet in uproar) Mrs Write: You see what I mean? Somebody had to tell them! They shouldn't be allowed to continue believing in this fantasy! Mr. Head: (In exasperation) Mrs Write! Have you ever heard the expression ‘Like a bull in a china shop'?

Evolution Assembly or Class Play Cast of 30 (easily adjustable) Duration: Around 20 minutes without the inclusion of music suggestions. This script has ‘serious factual content’ including a timeline from the beginning of time to the present, but it has plenty of humour including a seriously bad set of jokes at the end! This assembly or class play is based on the Evolution and Inheritance unit of study and has the following coverage: How fossils record changes that living things undergo over millions of years Shared characteristics of parents and offspring Adaptation and evolution of animals and plants in order to survive in different habitats/how characteristics are acquired rather than inherited/natural selection How creatures change over long periods of time Sample Text: (Enter Giant Tortoise slowly) Narrator: (Sarcastically) In your own time! Giant Tortoise: Hey! No need to rush! And it’s not like I have any predators to run from. Narrator: Just as well! Have you had far to come? Giant Tortoise: I live on the Galapagos islands, off the South American coast. Narrator: Whoa! That’s a long way! Giant Tortoise: Not as far as Mr Darwin travelled on his five-year trip! Narrator: So, you met the great man? (Enter Finch) Finch: We certainly did! Took some of us home with him! (Enter Darwin) Darwin: (To Giant Tortoise and Finch) You got me thinking about (To Giant Tortoise) Different patterned shells (To Finch) Different shaped beaks. You see, these creatures were different on each island suggesting they had adapted to their immediate environment. Giant Tortoise & Finch: (Together) Fascinating! (Exit Giant Tortoise & Finch) Narrator: Shall we look at some other examples? Darwin: (Enthusiastically) Certainly! Music 3 Parade of the Charioteers (Enter Stag and Peacock, both strutting proudly across stage) Stag: Look at my fine antlers! (Looks at audience) Anyone want to take me on? Peacock: Huh! No need for any violence! Just look at my magnificent display (opens tail to full effect). Who could not be impressed with me? Narrator: (Thoughtfully) Hmm. They are rather winning features Stag: It’s called ‘survival of the fittest’! Peacock: You’ve gotta have what it takes you know!

Fashion Assembly including The Emperor’s New Clothes The story of The Emperor’s New Clothes provides the bulk of the text - with a minimum cast of 10; cast numbers are made up to 30 by the addition of numerous fashion models, plus ‘sparring’ fashion designer and narrator! Cast of 30 - easily adaptable up or down Duration - reading of text around 15 minutes but this does not include music or performances - both of which can be increased to effectively double the length of the play. Sample Text (1): Music 1 – You’re So Vain – Carly Simon (Whole cast files in, seating themselves in order, along two rows of fifteen, facing the audience, Narrator standing at the side throughout) Narrator: Good morning and welcome to our assembly on Whole cast: (Together) Fashion! Music 2 – Fashion – David Bowie (Line of fashion models walk up and down ‘the catwalk’ in front of the audience) Narrator: (Applauding as models return to their places) Very good! Bravo! (To audience) But seriously! Did you see the size of those heels? I mean, how on earth do they manage to walk on such things? Impractical or what? (Enter Fashion Designer) Fashion Designer: (Sniffing his disapproval) Oh! Hasn’t anyone told you? It’s about how you look on that catwalk. Narrator: (Angrily) Even if it cripples you? Fashion Designer: Oh darling! Aren’t we being just a tad overdramatic? Narrator: (Huffily) No, not really! I wouldn’t be able to move in those heels! (Fashion Designer pointedly looks Narrator up and down) Fashion Designer: No, I don’t suppose you would! (Aside to audience) No great loss to the fashion world, right? Sample Text (2) - from The Emperor’s New Clothes Narrator: Once upon a time there lived an emperor who was very fond of his clothes. (Enter Emperor and two courtiers) Emperor: (Twirling on the spot) So, what do you think of my outfit today? Courtier 1: (Gushing) Magnificent! Courtier 2: (Even more gushing) Fantastic! Emperor: (Preening himself) Oh really! Flattery will get you nowhere! Courtier 1: (Aside) Wanna bet? Courtier 2: We wouldn’t get far without it! Emperor: What was that? Commenting on the quality of this wonderful fabric, no doubt? Courtier 1: Oh, of course, majesty! Courtier 2: The finest in the land, to be sure! Emperor: I rather think so! (Aside) Best not say how much it cost! More than I pay these two courtiers in a year! (To Courtier 1) A mirror, please! It must be at least a minute since I looked at myself!

Pet Care Assembly for Key Stage I This script is a totally moveable feast! The cast consists of Narrator (Class Teacher) plus 30 pets - the number and type of pets can, of course, be changed to match any class requirement. Although it is full of humorous moments, the message behind it is a serious one - that of taking the business of pet care itself seriously. The length of this performance is around 10 - 15 minutes *plus - allowing for ‘parade’ and ‘additions’ from children themselves i.e. information about their particular pets. It could potentially be double this length depending on how much additional information and suggested poetry is included. Great fun. Would love to see this performed! Sample Text: Narrator: You see, pets do take a lot of looking after. They are a big responsibility! (Pauses) What do you think is the most important part of looking after a pet? Child 4: Making it happy? Narrator: Correct! Child 5: And healthy! Narrator: Well done! So, you have to do a lot of homework before you even choose a pet. Child 6: Sounds like being at school! Child 7: Having a pet is meant to be fun! Narrator: But it’s no fun for your pet if it’s not looked after properly. Take that Great Dane, for example. (‘Great Dane’ stands up) Child 8: He’d take a lot of feeding! Narrator: Correct! Big dogs like big meals! But that’s not all! Child 9: He’ll need a lot of exercise! Child 10: Long walks! Narrator: Two or three times a day! He won’t want to be left inside by himself all day! (Great Dane shakes his head in agreement and sits down) Narrator: Animals have needs, just like us! And we need to respect their needs! Maybe someone could share with us, how they look after their pet? Child 11: I have two guinea pigs called Bill and Ben! Narrator: Two guinea pigs? Child 11: Yes, they like company! Narrator: And where do you keep them? Child 11: In a hutch with a nice grassy run. They also have cardboard boxes and pipes to hide in if they get frightened.

Winter Assembly for Key Stage One Cast of 30 - easily adaptable up or down Duration: Around 10 - 15 minutes. This length can be extended by the addition of suggested poems. Brrrr! .... surely there's a bit more to be said about winter than this?! Well, if left to our cast it would just be the sound of snoring - any excuse to follow the lead of that hibernating hedgehog. Fortunately, you can always rely on a bit of Disney to revive flagging spirits - plus some snowball fights and a few words from our rockin robin! This is one of a set of plays on The Seasons - all available as separate purchases. Sample Text (Enter group of children all dressed in winter clothes) Child 23 – 27: (Together) We’re all warm! Narrator: And how is that? Child 23: I have a warm woolly hat! Child 24: I have a warm woolly scarf! Child 25: I have warm woolly gloves! Child 26: I have warm woolly socks and welly boots! Child 27: And we all have Child 23 – 27: Warm woolly coats to keep us warm! (Exit group of children) Narrator: Hmm! Warm and woolly seems to work! Music 5 Rockin Robin – Michael Jackson (Enter Robin/Child 28 dancing to song that is sung by rest of the cast) Narrator: (Applauding) Well, that was very upbeat! (To robin) You don’t seem to have any problems with the cold weather! Robin: Well, it’s not always easy, you know! And I am always grateful to those kind people that leave me food out in their gardens! Narrator: Well, you are our favourite national bird Robin: And those Christmas cards just wouldn’t be the same without me, right? Narrator: Right! (Exit Robin) (Sound of loud snoring, from the cast) Narrator: Hey! What’s going on? Music 6 All I have to do is dream – Everly Brothers (Optional excerpt – first couple of bars) (Enter very sleepy hedgehog/Child 29) Hedgehog: (Rubbing eyes) Oh! Where’s my bed? I must have sleepwalked off, by mistake!

The Good Samaritan Assembly or Class Play Cast of 30 NB: The other play, with a cast of 10, available as a separate purchase, is a re-telling of the parable with complementary discussion notes on the bystander effect. This full-length assembly with a cast of 30 starts with this same cast of 10 but has an additional 20 speakers dealing with ‘the bystander effect’ with reference to today’s society, delivered via five different scenarios. Duration - around 15 to 20 minutes Sample Text Scenario 1 - A young boy/teenager being beaten up by a group of other teenage boys (Enter 5 boys and 5 bystanders) (Bystanders in two groups, chatting amongst themselves; group of five boys chatting/messing around) (Suddenly four boys ‘fall out’ with the fifth boy and set upon him, ‘beating him to the ground’) (Bystanders look on bewildered before walking off hurriedly) (Four boys do a ‘high five’ and walk off, leaving the fifth boy, sprawled on the ground, moaning) (Enter Good Samaritan, who helps boy to his feet and helps him back to his seat) Narrator: (Jumping out of his seat) Bravo! You’ve done it again! Good Samaritan to the rescue! Good Samaritan: So, what about those other people who were there and witnessed what happened? Where did they go? Let’s call them back. (Good Samaritan gestures to five bystanders to come and join him) Good Samaritan: So. What was going on there? Explain yourselves, please. Bystander 1: Oh, you know how it is. Bystander 2: Boys will be boys! Bystander 3: Just thought we’d let them get on with it. Bystander 4: Nothing to do with us! Bystander 5: We didn’t want to get involved Good Samaritan: So. Let’s get this straight. You were happy to risk that young boy being severely injured. Perhaps worse. Bystander 1: (Laughing nervously) Oh let’s not exaggerate! (All bystanders nod in agreement) Good Samaritan: But you didn’t know he’d be all right, did you? (All bystanders shuffle their feet nervously and look to the ground) Good Samaritan: No, you didn’t! Shame on you for walking away! Bystander 2: But what could I have done? Bystander 3: I’m no fighter! Bystander 4: What if they’d turned on me? Bystander 5: I didn’t want to get hurt! Good Samaritan: So, it was OK to let someone else get hurt? Bystander 1: Well, Good Samaritan: (Exploding) No it wasn’t! And you all know it!

Autumn Assembly for Key Stage I One of a set of assemblies on the Seasons. Cast of 30 - easily adjustable up or down. It is suggested that the class teacher takes the role of narrator. Duration - around 10 minutes but can be extended with inclusion of list of suggested poems Swallows, squirrels, deer, bats, .... children! Our narrator certainly has his work cut out keeping this assembly under control! Ever tried keeping a hibernating hedgehog or two sleepy dormice awake? Or silencing a flock of Brent Geese? Just two of the tasks facing our, as always, seriously challenged narrator! Sample Text: (Dormice curl up together and drop off to sleep) Narrator: Hey you two! Not yet! Wake up! (Both dormice yawn and stretch sleepily) Dormouse 1: Is it April yet? Dormouse 2: I think I’ll leave it to May this year! Dormice: (Together) Yeah! Let’s have a lie in! Narrator: You most certainly will not! Do I look like a Dormouse babysitter? Be off with you! (Exit Bats and Dormice) (Enter Hedgehog, making loud snuffling noises; he collects up some of the leaves left behind by the children, makes a nest of them and lies down in the middle) Narrator: Aha! And who do we have here? Our first hibernating hedgehog! Hedgehog: (Huffily getting out ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign and placing it next to his nest) Can’t you read? Narrator: You’re a bit early! It’s not November yet! Hedgehog: So? (Putting on night cap) (Rubbing tummy) I’ve done enough eating! I’m ready for sleep!

Spring Assembly This is the first of a series of Seasons Assemblies written for Key Stage I. This first one covers 20 plus 'first signs of spring' and includes a reference to the first chapter of Wind in the Willows, with Mole and Rat extolling the joys of the riverbank! Cast of 30 (easily adaptable up or down) It is suggested that the class teacher takes the role of narrator. Duration: Around 10 – 15 minutes including poems and music suggestions Sample Text: (Young animals ‘run rings around’ Narrator who gets increasingly exasperated) Narrator: (Sighing) Huh! I was forgetting those young animals! (Narrator jumping out of their way) Narrator: Oh dear! Is it just me or does it suddenly seem a bit crowded around here? Mother Rabbit: But didn’t you say, you loved Spring? Narrator: Oh yes! But .. (Bunnies and lambs keep jumping up at Narrator) Narrator: (To Mother Rabbit and Mother Sheep) Could you not keep your offspring under slightly better control? (Mother Rabbit and Mother Sheep ‘round up’ their offspring and return to their seats, scowling) Narrator: Oh dear! And there I was saying how much I loved Spring! But it’s not just about baby animals, you know! (Enter Child 6 dressed as Mole and Child 7 as Rat) Narrator: Ah! Two of my favourite characters from The Wind in the Willows! Mole: (Bowing) I’m Mole! Very pleased to meet you! Rat: And I’m Rat! Known as Ratty to my friends

The Clothes We Wear Assembly including The Emperor’s New Clothes Key Stage I This class play or assembly has a look at our normal wardrobes - for summer and winter clothing plus a dip into the world of fashion. In the case of the latter, one rather important lesson delivered via the mini play within this script - on The Emperor’s New Clothes - is ‘Beware personal vanity’ - it can get you into all sorts of trouble! Cast of 30 - easily adaptable up or down (Class Teacher as Narrator) Duration - from around 10 minutes (not including music suggestions and ‘fashion show’ - these could easily double the performance! KS II Scripts on Fashion/Emperor’s New Clothes also available (see below) Sample Text: Music 2 You’re so Vain – Carly Simon (Enter Fashion Designer, strutting up and down, like a model on a catwalk) Narrator: (Indignantly) Excuse me! But would you mind explaining who you are? Fashion Designer: Certainly! I am here as a special guest today. You see, as a fashion designer I know everything about clothes! Narrator: Oh really? (To audience) And rather less about good manners! Fashion Designer: Well, I really didn’t think I’d need an invite! I thought you’d be delighted to see me! (Narrator ushers Fashion Designer back to his/her seat) Narrator: Well, of course. Here. Take a seat and then maybe we can catch up later! (Consulting notes) Now. Where were we? Ah yes, let’s take a look at some of these clothes! Music 3 Summer Holidays – Cliff Richards (Enter Summer Clothes Children, 1 – 6) Narrator: (To Summer 1 & 2) Wow! I can see you’re all ready for the beach! Summer 1: We certainly are! (Pointing to each article of clothing) I’m wearing a sundress, flip flops, and these glasses and hat to protect me against the sun! Sample Text from ‘mini play’ - The Emperor’s New Clothes: (Two scoundrels set up their looms) Narrator: And so, all they had to do was take the money! They didn’t have to sew a stitch! Scoundrel 2: That’s right. Just tell that emperor what he wanted to hear Narrator: That he looked gorgeous? (Both scoundrels nod) Scoundrel 1: And what did that make us? Scoundrel 2: Rich!

International Day of Happiness Assembly A play to make you smile - I hope! Cast of 26 - easily adaptable up or down Duration - around 20 minutes depending on number of quotations, jokes and music suggestions included. Sample Text: Music 1 What a Wonderful World - Louis Armstrong (Enter 2 grumpy young girls, alias GYGs, and 2 grumpy young boys, alias GYBs, holding their hands over their heads) GYG1: What a din! GYB1: Somebody turn off that music! GYG2: Yeah! I’ve got a headache! GYB2: Me too! And it’s getting worse by the minute! (Enter Narrator) Narrator: (Coughing) Er excuse me! But hasn’t anybody told you what day it is today? GYG1: Not Monday, I hope. Worst day of the week! GYB1: Nah! Every day of the week’s bad … when you’re having to spend it at school! Narrator: Enough! Where did you lot crawl from? The wrong side of bed perhaps? (Falls about laughing) GYG2: (Sarcastically) Oh! I see we have a joker in our midst! GYB2: (Sarcastically) Oh! What fun! Narrator: Now, come on, you miserable lot! This really won’t do! (Pauses and looks towards rest of cast) Looks like we’re gonna have to tell them what day it is. Let’s hear it … Cast: (Shouting) International Day of Happiness! (Everyone holds up a smiley face) Narrator: And what do we do on International Day of Happiness? We Cast: (Shouting) Smile!

FREE Sport Relief Assembly Every year I do something to raise money for Sport Relief - this generally in my capacity as a zumba instructor (guess what ‘sport’ is there in the script, representing Z on the sports list?!) This script is about as versatile as I can make it - any cast size, any duration, any number of songs/music suggestions. Good luck to everyone ‘doing their thing’ this year. My challenge is going to be ‘sitting still for one minute’ during each of my 15 zumba routines - a challenge beyond anything I have ever undertaken before! If you’ve ever been to a zumba class you’ll know what I mean! Simple message to accompany this script - ENJOY! Sample Text: Child 26: Volleyball Child 27: Weightlifting Child 28: Wrestling Child 29: Zumba! Narrator: (To Child 29) I beg your pardon? Child 29: Zumba! Would you like a demonstration? Music 2 – Zumba number/Latin American music (Child 29 ‘performs’) (Loud applause from cast and audience) Narrator: Magnificent! And I can see that dancing is just as energetic as all those other sports we’ve mentioned! Child 1: (Fanning him/herself) Phew! All that hot Latin American music! Child 2: But let’s not forget our winter sports! Child 3: We have only just had those fantastic Winter Olympics! Child 4: Who could forget Child 5: The skiing Child 6: Bobsleigh Child 7: Figure skating Child 8: Ice hockey Next big sporting event – THE WORLD CUP! Check out assemblies, guided reading scripts and quiz on this wonderful theme! All available off TES and

St. George and The Dragon Assembly - Key Stage One Slightly alternative version, this one, with just one knight in shining armour amongst 14 pairs of princesses and dragons! You could say, speed dating with a difference! Whatever way you look at it, the outcome is very different from the usual version of the story. The cast is adaptable to any size class - just adjust the number of princesses and dragons! Duration: around 10 - 15 minutes (Reading time just 5 minutes but this does not allow for music suggestions and ‘parade’). Sample Text: Princess 1: (Interrupting whilst preening herself) I’m the beautiful princess! St. George: (Looking unimpressed) Oh, really? Princess 1: (Stamping her foot angrily) Yes, really! (To St. George) And who are you? St. George: St. George, since you ask! Princess 1: (Shrieking) No! There must be some mistake! Narrator: Sorry? What do you mean? Princess 1: Well, look at him! He’s meant to be handsome! St. George: And you’re meant to be?(pauses) … what was it? Oh yes, beautiful? (St. George and Princess 1 stand glaring at each other) Narrator: Now! Now! This will never do! As hero and heroine, you are meant to be in love! Princess 1: No way! St. George: Not likely! Narrator: (Clutching head and holding up notes) Oh for goodness sake! How am I going to make this work? St. George: Start with the dragon! (Aside to audience, pointing at Princess 1) And I don’t mean her!

Circus Assembly for Key Stage One Cast of 30 - easily adaptable up or down. Role of Narrator taken by Class Teacher. Duration: 10 - 15 minutes This script is suitable for both upper and lower Key Stage I. Whereas the first half is on the history of circuses, there are lots of jokes to cheer up our Sad Clown for younger children in the second half - plus ample opportunities for ‘the performance of a lifetime’! This script is a kind of template - it can be used for any size class and be expanded to any length of time. Oh, and did I mention Health and Safety?! Sample Text: Fire breather: Look at what fire breathers do! (Fire breather breathes out fire) (Everyone gasps and applauds; Narrator rushes on with fire extinguisher) Narrator: Hey! Health and safety! Health and safety! Stop this now! Sword swallower: And then there’s my act (holding up sword) Narrator: (Intervening quickly) I have no idea what you intend doing with that sword – but not here, not now! Sword swallower: But I was only going to swallow it (pauses) like this! Narrator: (Shrieking) Stop now! That’s way too dangerous! (Whole cast groans) Sad Clown: You see? Always some health and safety spoilsport around these days to ruin our fun! (Circus juggler walks up and down, juggling) Narrator: Now, that’s more like it! Plenty of skill, no danger! (Stilt walker walks up and down) Narrator: (Applauding) Bravo! (Contortionist and ‘Strong man’ perform, Narrator watching anxiously) (Everyone gasps and applauds; Narrator rushes on with First Aid Kit) Narrator: This really won’t do! What have I said about health and safety? (Lion roars loudly)

Peter Pan Play including A Social Commentary from J.M. Barrie This script is for children aged 10 plus (upper Key Stage II and Key Stage III) It uses the skeleton script of previous Peter Pan Play but adds a more serious component in the form of ‘social comments’ from J.M. Barrie. Cast of 30 – easily adjustable up or down Duration – Around 30 minutes for reading time. This does not include music suggestions. Sample Text Peter: Ah, a timely arrival, Mr. Barrie! I am Mr. Barrie: Peter Pan, of course! I trust you are enjoying your role? Peter: Well, I Narrator: (Intervening quickly) Of course he is! Who wouldn’t be honoured to take the leading role? Mr. Barrie: But wait! He doesn’t look so sure. Is there something you would like to talk to me about? Peter: Well, as a matter of fact there is! Narrator: (Aside to audience, groaning) Oh oh! Here we go! Peter: You see, I think your story deserves a slightly more serious treatment! Narrator: (Protesting) But it was intended for children! Mr. Barrie: (To Narrator) And your point is? Are you saying children should not see the serious side of life? Narrator: Well, Peter: Aha! That was just what I was trying to say before you arrived! It’s time to perform a play that deals with your views, as the writer. Mr. Barrie: (Incredulously) You mean, that isn’t already the case? Peter: I’m afraid not. Mr. Barrie: Well, now! Perhaps that does need changing! (Both Peter and Mr. Barrie turn to Narrator) Mr. Barrie: Would you, as the director of this play, be OK with (pauses) a few additions? Just some comments I might make along the way?

Pinocchio Class Play or Assembly A story of redemption and self-discovery – with one small twist! Cast of 24 plus – may be increased with inclusion of music suggestions. Duration: Around 40 minutes plus, with inclusion of all music suggestions. The duration can however be reduced to around 20 minutes if the music is left out. The script consists of 4 scenes of 5 - 10 minutes reading time, each. There is a music playlist of 15 songs but choice of these is discretionary/do not need to be included. Pinocchio script, cast of 6, is also available plus Pinocchio Pantomime which is an adaptation of this script - with larger than life Fairy and lots of terrible jokes! Sample Text: (Sound of whistle blowing, Pinocchio being chased by a policeman) (Policeman grabs Pinocchio by his collar and holds him tight) Policeman: Hey! Where do you think you are going? Pinocchio: (Struggling) Let go of me! I’ve done nothing wrong! (Geppetto arrives, puffing and panting) Geppetto: (To Pinocchio) Oh there you are! What were you thinking, running off like that? Policeman: Ah, I get it. (To Pinocchio) Running away, were you? Hmm. I wonder what from! (Policeman lets go of Pinocchio and grabs Geppetto by the collar instead) Policeman: Gotcha! And such a sweet-looking old gent! (To audience) They’re always the worst, the innocent looking ones! I just happen to know this due to my long and, it has to be said, quite remarkable service in the police force. Huh! Nothing escapes this hand of the law! (To Pinocchio) Go home, sonny! (To Geppetto) And you can come with me! To the nick! (Exit Policeman holding Geppetto; Pinocchio goes off in opposite direction) Narrator: (To Audience) Well. You’d think any normal, decent, loyal, loving son would protest just a little more on his father’s behalf, wouldn’t you? After all, Geppetto was totally innocent and certainly didn’t deserve to spend a night behind bars. (Enter Pinocchio, yawning and stretching) Narrator: Let’s watch. Surely there will be some signs of remorse. (Pauses) Some tiny show of concern for his father? Pinocchio: Well, that was a strange turn of events. (Pauses) Ah well, time for bed! (Narrator gasps and shakes his head) (Enter Cricket, wearing ‘happy’ colourful clothes)

Pinocchio Pantomime A story of redemption and self-discovery – with one small twist – well, maybe not so small when the whole plot hinges on it! NB: This script is the Pinocchio class play adapted as a pantomime i.e. with addition of jokes, a larger than life Fairy as the Dame; and the script adjusted accordingly. Music: there is quite an extensive playlist – 15! The choice of these numbers is totally discretionary. Cast of 24 plus Duration Reading time – around 30 minutes not including music or jokes at the end. 4 scenes of approximately 5 - 10 minutes each – more with addition of jokes at the end. Total performance time: around 40 – 50 minutes plus, depending on how much music is used and how many jokes told. The performance could be reduced substantially with omission of both music and jokes. Sample Text: Narrator: Ah! There you are! At last! The good fairy! We’ve been waiting for you! Fairy: Oh, you mean this script needs something good in it? Well, I couldn’t agree with you more! (To audience) What a load of rubbish, eh? I’ve been sitting out in the wings (Twirling, showing off her wings) Beautiful, aren’t they? About time you all had a treat! This has to rate as one of the worst pantos Narrator: (Interrupting furiously) Hey! Wait a minute! Wait a minute! So where have you been, all this time we have been performing our ‘oh so terrible pantomime’? Fairy: Where have I been, darling? (Twirling) Do you really need to ask? (Pauses) Well, getting ready of course! A fairy must always look her absolute best at all times, especially this time of year! Narrator: (Aside to audience) Strikes me this fairy could spend a little more time down the gym! Fairy: (Exploding) I beg your pardon! I trust you are not suggesting I lose any of (pauses as she tries to find her waist) this exquisite figure? Narrator: Well, it might have helped you get here a bit quicker! Things have just been going from bad to worse, here on stage! Fairy: Oh, you mean the Pinocchio thing? Narrator: Er yes, it is his story we are telling here today! Fairy: Ah well, then. My timing is perfect (pauses as she minces over to the audience) … as ever! Here I am! Narrator: Just in the nick of time! We so need you – or rather, Pinocchio does! Fairy: Yes, I have been watching this rather sad story unravel. That puppet certainly needs all the help he can get! Narrator: But it has to be the right kind of help. He’s been receiving an unfortunate amount of the wrong type. Fairy: What do you mean? Narrator: Well, I’m afraid we have a slight glitch in the plot. You see, one of the good guys has turned bad! Fairy: Oh no! That is bad news! And who might that be?

The Pied Piper of Hamelin Class Play or Assembly This script, based on the poem by Robert Browning, has a cast of 30 and duration of around 20 minutes. It has a very welcome ‘twist’ of the tail (thinking rats, here) which will warm the hearts of everyone, especially animal-lovers. As one of the lines clearly states ‘No animals were harmed during the production of this play!’ Sample Text: Mayor: They fought the dogs and killed the cats, And bit the babies in the cradles, Councillor 1: And ate the cheeses out of the vats, And licked the soup from the cooks’ own ladles, Councillor 2: Split open the kegs of salted sprats, Made nests inside men’s Sunday hats, Councillor 3: And even spoiled the women’s chats, By drowning their speaking, Mayor: With shrieking and squeaking In fifty different sharps and flats. (Everyone turns to the rats to see their reaction. Rats all stand with arms crossed, looking furious – and then all suddenly burst out laughing) Mayor: What’s so funny? Councillor 1: Yeah! Councillor 2: I wouldn’t be laughing Councillor 3: If I were in your shoes! Rat 1: (Shaking his head) Where do you get all this stuff? Rat 2: We weren’t the guilty ones! Rat 3: OK so we might have nibbled at the odd piece of cheese Rat 4: And maybe the odd sip of soup. Rat 5: But fought with dogs? Rat 6: Killed cats? Rat 7: Bitten babies? Rat 8: Drowned ladies speaking with shrieking and squeaking? Rat 1: Are you serious? Rat 2: Do we look like we could take on cats and dogs? Rat 3: Or babies! Have you heard one screaming recently? (All rats cover their ears) Rat 4: Now that is a noise to deafen even the chattiest of ladies! Rat 5: You paint a totally false picture of us rats. Narrator: But you do come with something of a reputation! Rat 6: Oh, you mean that Bubonic Plague thing? Narrator: Well, yes. That did wipe out a rather large percentage of the human race! Mayor: (Triumphantly) There you go! Rat 7: But it taught you lot to keep cleaner afterwards! Rat 8: Clear up your own rubbish! Rat 1: Shame they didn’t clear out some of the human variety! Mayor: (Exploding) Pardon! Narrator: (To Mayor) It has to be said, your townsfolk didn’t seem to think very highly of you! Pied Piper: And with good reason! Let me pick up the story here. (Narrator gestures for everyone else to return to their seats) Pied Piper: You see, I’d heard that the town of Hamelin wanted to be rid of their rats! (All rats jump up in indignation) Pied Piper: (To rats) Sit down, gentlemen, please. I have other ‘rats’, if you’ll pardon the expression, to deal with! (Pointing to Mayor and Councillors) This lot! Other poems that writer Sue Russell has turned into plays have been: The Listeners, The Highwayman, Smugglers’ Song and If – all available off TES.

Ocean Assembly including The Little Mermaid This class play was originally written for Key Stage I but has a lot of additional material – FREE set of 5 Sea Life Quizzes, 350 questions and answers – that could easily be added to raise the level to Key Stage 2. As an outline of The Little Mermaid story is included, this script falls within both the science and literature sections of the curriculum (as well as between two key stages – sorry, a little difficult to place!) If the original story of the Little Mermaid threatens to leave you with tears in your eyes, the jokes of the supporting cast (Cranky Crab, Daft Dolphin, Cod Father just to mention a few) will soon cheer you up … or maybe reduce you to further tears! Sample Text: (All Sea Creatures stand up and speak to The Little Mermaid in turn) Cranky Crab: Why did you turn your back on the ocean? Timid Turtle: How could you leave us? Daft Dolphin: Why go to the land Clown Fish: When you had all that sea to play in? Cod Father: Foolish girl! Angel Fish: You should have kept your tail Jiggly Jellyfish: Fancy giving it up Scary Shark: For what? A human being? Swishing Swordfish: A life on land? Old Octopus: Losing your family Saucy Stingray: Your friends Lazy Lobster: Your everything! Blue Whale: Why? Barmy Barnacle: What were you thinking? Weary Walrus: I don’t understand Perky Penguin: You gave up so much Deep Sea Fish 1 – Angler fish: And for what? Deep Sea Fish 2 – Hatchet fish: Yes, tell us! Deep Sea Fish 3 – Lantern fish: For what?

Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table Class Play or Assembly Cast of 30. Duration around 10 minutes. This script starts with a look at the Code of Honour which those Knights of the Round Table were supposed to follow and demonstrate in their actions. But Knights, like the rest of us, are merely human as pointed out by our learned friend/wizard – Merlin. This script attempts to highlight that nobody - not even the great King Arthur - is perfect; but that that shouldn’t stop us from trying to be modern Knights – at least in as far as their aspirations! The second half of the script has a brief resume of The Sword in the Stone plus a mention of some other key moments in the Arthurian legend. Sample Text Knight 10: (To King Arthur) You taught us that all men were born equal. Knight 11: And that we should always respect ourselves and others, as equals. King Arthur: That was the idea behind the Round Table. That no one should think himself superior to another. Knight 12: Nobody should get airs above their station. Meekness and humility are two shining virtues we should all aspire to. Knight 13: We should be kind Knight 14: Gentle Knight 15: And merciful Mordred: Doesn’t sound very ‘knightly’ to me! King Arthur: Which is why you should be listening and learning. It takes more than sheer brawn to be a true knight! Knight 16: Yes, be prepared to fight for justice King Arthur: But being brave is only good if it is done for the right reasons! Knight 17: You have to know right from wrong Knight 18: And fight for those who can’t defend themselves. Mordred: (Muttering) Doesn’t sound very heroic to me! King Arthur: But that’s just it! It’s not about playing the hero, looking all dashing and chivalrous! Knight 19: That’s plain vanity! Nothing noble and courageous about that! Mordred: (Spluttering) But Knight 20: (Sighing) You have to be patient. Knight 21: Courteous. Treat others as you would wish them to treat you. Knight 22: Harbour no envy. Knight 23: Commit no murder. Mordred: Oh, here we go. I wondered when that was going to come up. Knight 24: To have honour you have to fight on the side of truth. Mordred: And who are you, any of you, to say what that is? Merlin: (Sighing) Ah me! And this is where it all gets so complicated. None of us are perfect. We all get drawn into temptation – that’s life. King Arthur: But we can at least try to abide by certain rules of conduct. Ones that are not going to harm others. And if we succeed at just a few of these, then we are on the right path.

Cricket Class Play or Assembly (‘nod’ to World Cup) Anyone for Cricket? This class play or assembly, cast of 30, is approximately 20 minutes long and should be performed if only for that wonderful track by 10 CC – Dreadlock Holiday! (Who doesn’t know classic line ‘I don’t like Cricket,… oh no… I love it!?) Apart from giving an outline of the game, and some of its past heroes, there is an exploration of cricket terminology – an A to Z of surely some of the wackiest jargon in or out of the sporting world! For sports and non-sports folk alike – Enjoy! Sample Text Narrator: Ah! Our final innings of the day! Player 1: We’ll be sure to make this a fine pongo! (All Players raise their bats in triumph) Narrator: Pongo meaning a high score! Player 1: Correct. Lots of runs! Umpire 1: (Standing) But we’ll be keeping an eye on the quota. Umpire 2: (Standing) That’s the total number of overs (maximum ten) given to a bowler Umpire 1: Typically, the total overs in the innings Umpire 2: Divided by five, Umpire 1: And then rounded to the next highest whole number. Narrator: (Clutching his head) Well, I’ll most certainly leave the maths to you! (Both Umpires sit down, smiling) Player 2: Rabbit! Narrator: I beg your pardon! Player 2: That’s what a rubbish batsman is called! (All Players shake their heads, in disgust) Narrator: Ooh. That’s not nice! I mean, no offence to bunnies but Player 3: (Interrupting) Rain delay! (All Players groan) Player 3: Nothing more frustrating when you want to get on with the game! Player 4: Red cherry. Spectator 5: That’s the nickname for the red cricket ball! Player 4: Correct! Player 5: Rib tickler! Spectator 1: Would that be a ball that hits the batsman in the midriff? Player 5: Well done! You see how easy our jargon is? Player 6: Sawn off! (All Players gasp in anger and two Umpires stand up defiantly, with arms crossed) Umpire 1: Our word is what goes! Umpire 2: Nobody should argue with that! Umpire 1: If we say a player is dismissed Umpire 2: That’s an end to it! Spectator 2: But what if you get it wrong? (Umpires 1 and 2 gasp in horror) Umpires 1 & 2: (Together) We never get it wrong! (Players continue to glare at two Umpires as they sit down) Narrator: (Coughing) Moving on! Player 7: Sitter! Spectator 3: Ooh. You never want to drop one of those! The shame of missing an easy catch! Player 7: (Shaking head) Indeed. Player 8: Skier! Another ball you really don’t want to miss! These are a miss hit, go up in the sky Narrator: And I can only imagine the embarrassment of having all that time and then missing the catch! (Players all clutch their heads)