How to handle tension in back-to-school relationships
There are many unknowns in the world at the moment, but one thing we can be fairly certain about is that school life after lockdown is going to present challenges. This is complicated by the fact that we don’t still really know what it will look like.
In the absence of a crystal ball, we can turn to a country that lifted lockdown restrictions before the UK. In Germany, students were back at school by the end of May, after 13 weeks of studying at home.
Elena Leidig, a geography and English teacher at a secondary school in a town north of Heidelberg, found that students were, unsurprisingly, out of their usual routines when it came to getting back to some sort of normality.
“They forgot their textbooks and other materials and they were very tired,” she says. “They complained about homework and felt stressed by the workload. I also noticed that quite a few of our rules were ignored, and, in general, they didn’t seem to take school seriously.”
Coronavirus: The behaviour challenge of reopening schools
The sudden shift from one mode to another presents understandable difficulties for young people, but it’s important to recognise the tension that will also be present for staff during reopening, says Viv Trask-Hall, head of innovation and principal trainer at Thrive, a company that specialises in training teachers and other education professionals to support children’s emotional and social development.
“They have also been through a huge change in routine, so they may be in a more heightened state where their bodies and brains perceive threats more readily,” she says.
“This could lead to them becoming angry quicker than usual, rupturing the relationship [between them and their students].”
These strains could be further exacerbated by young people responding to the return to school in ways that are unexpected and out-of-character, Trask-Hall continues.
Some may exhibit controlling behaviour as a result of feeling anxious; others may be reluctant to join in or be less resilient than they were before. Some may become agitated or aggressive more readily as a result of chemical changes in the brain, triggered by loss.
Others may internalise their feelings, and slip under the radar. Some may be more tearful, retreat into a fantasy world or push adults away (even those whom they have had good relationships with in the past). Some may experience the physical manifestations of anxiety and complain of ear or stomach aches.
Focus on wellbeing
Professor Gemma Moss, director of the International Literacy Centre at the UCL Institute of Education, is co-author of a report submitted to the Commons Education Select Committee inquiry, based on a Teacher Tapp survey of more than 1,500 primary school teachers.
It found that concerns about the social and emotional needs of children and their families have been at the forefront of teachers’ minds during the time away from school, particularly relating to those children in disadvantaged areas. Some 77 per cent of teachers surveyed placed child psychological wellbeing in their top three priorities for returning to school in September.
“Social-emotional needs and learning go hand in hand,” Moss explains.
“The impact of lockdown is dependent on context outside of school and is on a different level for disadvantaged pupils, who may be living in a small flat with no outside space, not enough food and possibly a parent with mental health issues.”
But, Trask-Hall says, these negative impacts can be buffered by the right sort of interaction with empathetic adults, such as teachers, who actively demonstrate their concern and care.
“If a child can process the experience, it becomes part of their internal narrative and not traumatic,” she says.
“The more a child is empathised with, the more they can empathise with others. If the child is attuned to and their feelings are validated then their body and brain get a sense of what it feels like, developing their empathetic muscle. They can imagine the worlds of others.”
Liz Withnall, a head of year at a secondary school in East London, says the focus should be, above all, on getting used to the new patterns of school life.
“Time should be given for students and staff to readjust to the ‘new normal’” she says.
“School should be a safe, enjoyable and happy environment, after a period of time which has been the complete opposite for many. It will be hard not only on children to return to school but also staff; many may feel anxious about returning to teaching after six months. Teachers need the opportunity to revisit safeguarding procedures and behaviour management strategies.”
Better behaviour management
Trask-Hall says that where challenging behaviour does - perhaps inevitably - arise in this period, adults should try to adopt a position of curiosity and communication.
As a former primary school head, she encourages staff to connect with children and try to work out where they are coming from; she advocates using creative arts as an outlet for young people to safely express their concerns and feelings.
“Teachers should question what the behaviour is communicating and not just think of it as ‘behaviour’”, she says.
She also recommends taking a team approach to managing relationships.
“It’s OK to say, ‘I am having a difficult day,’ and to tag-team with other members of staff,” she says. “A child may be distressed and shouting out and their teacher may need a breather, so the child goes off with someone.”
But, she continues, the interaction should not end there.
“It is crucial that the teacher takes the opportunity to repair the relationship by going to the child and talking through it. Otherwise the message to the child is, ‘Your behaviour is too much for me and I am moving away from you,’ which could lead to the child feeling shame.”
This process, which Trask-Hall refers to as the “rupture-repair cycle”, will be more important than ever as schools navigate a new way of working. And, she says, there are long-term benefits to modelling this more healthy approach, developing positive teacher-student relationships which approach tough moments with a tone of “this was difficult, let’s work it out together”.
Safety and support
Whatever the future holds for schools, ensuring that young people are able to feel safe and supported, even when tensions run high, is key.
“You can have the greatest curriculum offer and the best catch-up classes but until the body and brain are learning-ready, it can’t be absorbed in the same way,” Trask-Hall adds.
And Withnall says that, while this readjustment to the school routine will be difficult for many, she remains optimistic.
“Children are resilient, and I think, with the right support from teachers and school staff, they will soon adjust to the new way of working.”
Gemma Corby is a freelance writer and former teacher