Lent Assembly or Class Play So, what are you giving up this Lent? As usual, our poor narrator has dubious task of coaxing sensible - make that, any - sort of response out of his reluctant cast! And as for even thinking about giving up chocolate - well, let's just say, the devil knows better! Although there is the usual high quotient of humour in this play, the subject matter is serious - and there is a clear explanation covering what Lent is all about. Duration: approximately 10 minutes reading time - longer with inclusion of mixture of beautiful and comical music. Written for cast of 30 - easily adaptable up or down. Sample Text Child 5: Lent covers a period of forty weekdays – that’s approximately six weeks but not including Sundays. Child 6: During this time Christians traditionally devoted themselves to fasting, abstinence and penitence. Child 7: In other words, leading a less extravagant lifestyle and reflecting on how they could improve themselves. Child 8: You mean, recognising their faults and doing something about it? Child 7: That’s right. Child 9: Hmm. Fair enough. But going without food for forty days? I’m not sure about that one! Child 6: Nah! You remember I used the word ‘traditionally’? Well, Christians have become a lot more relaxed about fasting these days. Most people today just give up something like, well, chocolate for example! Child 10: (Exclaiming indignantly) Chocolate? Going without chocolate for forty days? Are you serious? Narrator: Oh come on! Surely you could survive without chocolate for forty days? Child 10: (Emphatically) I don’t think so! Narrator: Forty hours? Child 10: No! Narrator: Forty minutes! Child 10: (Hesitantly) Hmm, maybe Narrator: (Impatiently) Forty seconds? Child 10: (Triumphantly) Done! Narrator: So let’s talk about what this Lent is all about. (To Child 10) And then we might have some ideas about what to do with you! Why, for example, does Lent last for forty days? Child 11: This was the period of time Jesus spent in the wilderness, fasting and praying, before beginning his public ministry. Child 12: The wilderness? Sounds like a pretty scary place to be! Child 13: It was! Let’s see just how scary it was and how Jesus dealt with it!

Superheroes Assembly for Key Stage I Duration: Around 10 – 15 minutes depending on how many ‘superhero demonstrations’ there are. The first ‘speaking’ part of the assembly is around 5 minutes reading time. The rest of the assembly is down to the teacher in charge as explained in Production Notes. Cast: Written for cast of 30 but easily adaptable up or down. The cast comprises class teacher as narrator plus children 1 – 30. This assembly or class play is in roughly two parts - the first deals with the qualities of a superhero and how a superhero would change the world; the second is a demonstration of 'superpowers' by different 'superheroes'. It is very much a 'movable feast' - the children can make their own choices re: how they'd change the world; and likewise choose which superheroes they'd like to portray - they can even make up their own. I have thus provided a 'template' which can be adapted according to class numbers and 'members'. Sample Text: Narrator: Good morning and welcome to our assembly on Whole cast: (Together) Superheroes! Narrator: So, for the benefit of our audience, what makes a superhero? Or maybe I should ask the question, what makes a hero super? Child 1: Super powers, of course! Child 2: You can’t do much without them! Child 3: Especially against those horrible baddies! Narrator: So. Let me get this straight. Heroes are always good? Child 4: Right. They fight for what is good in the world Child 5: Against all that is bad! Narrator: That must take a lot of courage! Child 6: That’s why they’re superheroes! Child 7: Brave! Child 8: Strong! Child 9: And determined! Child 10: It’s not always easy being a superhero! Narrator: (To cast) So. If you had the powers of a superhero, what would you do to make the world a better place? Child 11: I would take food to everyone who was hungry. Child 12: I would give shelter to everyone without a home. Child 13: I would hug everyone who feels unloved. Child 14: I would drive around in a Ferrari! Narrator: (Snorting) Oh really! And how is that going to improve the world? Child 14: Well, it would certainly improve mine!

Mutual Respect Assembly - Key Stage II Cast of 30 - easily adaptable up or down Duration: 10 - 15 minutes reading time (not including songs/music suggestions) Another class play on 'Respect' is available for Key Stage I children. Sample Text: (Whole team do ‘high-fives’) Narrator: Good to see team spirit! Child 1: Oh we have plenty of that! We put in so many hours together Child 2: We sure earn each other’s respect! (Exit ‘Olympians’) Narrator: And that is so important! Just imagine if (Enter ‘Footballers 1 - 4’: Child 3, 4, 5 & 6) Music 5 Football Anthem – or theme music to Match of the Day (Footballers kick ball around, in bored, listless manner before dropping to the ground, for a break) (Enter Coach – Child 7, blowing whistle; all four footballers jump to their feet) Coach: Hey! Slacking off already? I don’t think so! Child 3: Oops! Sorry coach! Coach: You will be! Child 4: We were just Child 7: (Interrupting angrily) Yes, I could see! I repeat, slacking off! Not on my watch, you don’t! Now, that will be ten extra laps of the pitch for you! Off you go! (Exit Footballers, grumbling) Narrator: Oh dear! That seemed a bit harsh! Child 7: Oh? And you think if I’d strolled on and said, ‘Oh that’s fine. Don’t mind me! Just keep doing what you’re doing’ – that they’d have one jot of respect for me? Narrator: Well, er .. Child 7: Of course they wouldn’t. It’s not my job to pamper them. It is to make them better players. To give them pride in themselves! Nothing like a bit of discipline to achieve that! Narrator: Oh I couldn’t agree more! I’m all for discipline. Child 7: And respect! Narrator: Oh yes, that as well! Child 7: Nothing like a bit of healthy respect for your team, the opposition and yourself! Narrator: Wow! That’s a lotta respect! Child 7: You can never have too much respect, believe me!

Grammar and Punctuation Assembly Two camps: Grammys and Punks! Cast of 30 - easily adaptable up or down Duration: around 10 - 15 minutes This class play attempts to cover at least the basics of our great English Language - a pretty tough challenge! 'Coverage' includes: Punctuation: Capital Letters Full Stops Exclamation Marks Question Marks Commas Colons Semicolons Brackets Hyphens Quotation Marks Apostrophes Grammar: Nouns Proper Common Collective Abstract Pronouns Adjectives; Verbs Present Past Future Active and Passive Regular and Irregular Adverb; Preposition Conjunction Sample Text Narrator: (Growing increasingly impatient) Yes! Yes! Do please say what you’ve got to say! We do have a few more parts of speech apart from yourself to get through, you know! Grammy 2: (Huffily) Oh very well. I’ll keep it brief! (Punks all cheer) Grammy 2: Well, proper nouns are really just names. (Pauses) There! Is that brief enough for you? Narrator: Excellent! Thank you for that! (To audience) Phew! I thought for one awful moment we were going to be stuck with proper nouns until the end of the assembly! Next! Grammy 3: (Bashfully) Me? Oh I’m just a common noun! Narrator: Oh! Nothing remotely common about you I’m sure! Grammy 3: But that’s what I’m called! Grammy 2: That’s right! I’m proper! And he’s common! Word: Well, there are quite a few other types, like Grammy 4: Collective nouns – for example, a swarm of bees, a herd of sheep Grammy 5: And abstract nouns – things you can’t hold in your hand - like anger, time Narrator: (Looking at watch) Speaking of which, yes, I think that’s enough on nouns! Grammy 6: (Squeaking) But hey! I might be small, but don’t forget me! Narrator: And you are? Grammy 6: I’m a pronoun! Very important I am! Narrator: (To audience) Just like the rest of them! State your business, briefly if you can!

Seven Wonders of the Ancient World Assembly 1. Great Pyramid of Giza 2. Mausoleum at Halicarnassus 3. Temple of Artemis 4. Statue of Zeus at Olympia 5. Colossus of Rhodes 6. Lighthouse of Alexandria 7. Hanging Gardens of Babylon Cast of 30 - easily adaptable up or down Duration - around 15 minutes reading time (not including music suggestions) This Key Stage II Class play follows on from two other assemblies (KSI & II) on the Wonders of the Natural World - under the title of Awe and Wonder and found in the PSHE section of the website. I, Sue Russell, decided to limit the Wonders of the 'Man-Made' World to the Seven Wonders of the Classical World as, had I based a script on modern-day wonders, the list would have been endless. I am happy to write a script based on modern day wonders but will wait on a teacher making such a request - with a list I can work from! Otherwise making an arbitrary choice of wonders is an impossible task! Sample Text Narrator: (Cowering) Oh, Oh! Not another unhappy god! Helios, god of the sun, am I right? Helios: Yes, and my statue was known as the Colossus of Rhodes, built 280B.C. in the city of Rhodes, on that same Greek island, by one Charles of Lindos; and destroyed 226 B.C. Narrator: Ah but you were so impressive – all 108 feet of you! That’s about the same as the Statue of Liberty! Certainly the tallest statue of the ancient world! Helios: And that’s meant to make me feel better? Narrator: Well, there was nothing anyone could have done to save you. As I think I remember hearing before, that’s earthquakes for you! But here, let us take a look at you, Helios, god of the sun, in your prime – or rather, that of your statue! (Narrator holds up picture of Colossus of Rhodes) Narrator: Behold the Colossus of Rhodes! (Helios bows and exits) Narrator: (Consulting notes) Five down, two to go! Heckler: (Yawning) How many did you say? Narrator: Don’t tell me you haven’t been counting? Or is anything over five a bit of a struggle for you? Heckler: Ooh! That’s not nice! And just to show you I am actually interested in the past, I’ll give this next one my undivided attention! Narrator: Fine! (To audience) Let’s hope it’s a good one! (Enter Pharaoh Ptolemy II) Music 7 Carl Orff – O Fortuna – Carmina Burana Ptolemy II: Ah so you are here to admire the Lighthouse of Alexandria! Behold!

Awe and Wonder Assembly Key Stage I (5 – 7 yrs) Cast of 30 - easily adaptable up or down. Duration - around 10 minutes reading time (not including music suggestions and songs). Longer performance easy - with simple addition of more information. Special guests to this class play: two superheroes - invited along to witness 'awesome' and 'wonderful' aka Nature and its superpowers - Who or what can beat a spider's artistry, a rainbow's beauty, the miracle of a butterfly and ... a great Milky Way! Awe and Wonder Assembly/Class Play available for Key Stage II (7 – 11yrs) – on Seven Natural Wonders of the World (Grand Canyon, Great Coral Reef etc). As a special offer, FREE with purchase of this script - a set of lovely photos taken at last year's Sensational Butterflies Exhibition at the Natural History Museum. Drop me a line at sue@plays-r-ussell.com Sample Text: (Enter 4 children in pyjamas) Narrator: Looks like you lot are ready for bed! Child 12: (Pointing up) Star gazing! Child 13: That’s what we’re doing! Child 14: (Sighing) They’re so beautiful! Child 15: (To Narrator) Care to join us? Narrator: Don’t mind if I do! What can you see? (As Narrator is gazing upwards, children share out chocolates among themselves; Narrator suddenly realises he has been ‘duped’) Narrator: Hey! Give me those chocolates! Child 12: But we’re about to tell you about them! Child 13: This one is the name of a group of stars – a galaxy! Child 14: This one is the galaxy we live in – the Milky Way! Narrator: (To Child 15) And this one? Child 15: Well, this one isn’t really a star. It’s a planet – Mars! Narrator: (Taking Mars bar) Well, I’d better have that one, then! (To audience, aside) My favourite!

Awe and Wonder Assembly This KS II class play is on awe and wonder – and there’s plenty of that about in the awesome world of nature! Scoring a ‘WOW!’ proves a bit of a challenge for this particular set of children – it seems to take a lot to impress the ‘awe-full-not’ teacher who is taking the assembly! Cast of 30 (easily adaptable up or down) Duration - around 15 minutes not including music suggestions This script is the first in a series of Awe and Wonder Assemblies – the second one being on Man Made Wonders – loosely based on the Seven Wonders of the World but probably with a lot more thrown in! There will be ‘parallel’ simpler scripts for Key Stage I children on this theme. Sample Text Narrator: So. Let us make sure this assembly is (pauses) awesome! What have you got for me? Child 12: Well, we thought we’d start with all the most awesome places in the world. Child 13: Aside from our school, of course! Narrator: (Smiling) Of course! Child 14: So, what about (Each child in turn holds up a picture of the place they are describing) Child 14: This great lump of rock! Narrator: Great lump of rock? What’s so awesome about that? Child 14: (Indignantly, to Child 10) What were you saying about adults? This lump of rock just happens to be Uluru – otherwise known as Ayer’s Rock, in Australia. Narrator: Well, it does have a pretty amazing colour. Child 14: Red sandstone! Formed six hundred million years ago! Narrator: Wow! (Whole cast cheers) Child 10: Wow! We got a wow! Narrator: Well, I’m not that hard to impress! Child 14: Difficult not to be impressed by the world’s biggest monolith – that’s a single rock, by the way! Narrator: Yes, yes. I knew that! Child 14: And that it’s some nine kilometres in circumference? Narrator: Hmm. Of course! I am a teacher, you know! Child 15: Well. What about this. The Grand Canyon! Narrator: More rocks? Child 15: (Indignantly) Yes but these rocks form one of the deepest gorges on Earth!

Respect Assembly Cast of 30 - easily adaptable up or down. Duration - around 10 minutes not including music suggestions. This PSHE class play was written for Key Stage I - the part of the narrator taken by the Class Teacher. Other Character Assemblies, Key Stage I & II, are available from writer, Sue Russell. Sample Text Goldilocks: Help! Help! Save me from these vicious bears! Mummy Bear: (Retorting angrily) Vicious bears? Daddy Bear: (Laughing) Who? Us? Baby Bear: We’re the victims here, not her! Narrator: Aha! Goldilocks and the Three Bears! Now that’s an interesting tale! Mummy: One of burglary Daddy Bear: Break in Baby Bear: And vandalism! Goldilocks: Oops! That bad? All three bears: (Together, nodding) That bad! Narrator: Oh dear! So not only have we a total lack of respect for people Goldilocks: Bears! Narrator: No difference! Don’t go making things worse for yourself, young lady! Mummy Bear: Quite! Who ever heard such cheek? Narrator: I repeat. Not only have we a total lack of respect for people (pauses) .. and bears! But a lack of respect for other’s property as well! (Whole cast gasps in shock) Goldilocks: (To Bears) I’m so sorry! I should never have walked into your home Mummy Bear: Or eaten our food Baby Bear: Or sat on our furniture Daddy Bear: Or slept on our beds. Goldilocks: I am so sorry. I’ll never do it again! (Exit Goldilocks and the Three Bears, smiling at each other) Narrator: Well, there’s a happy ending! Child 1: But it’s very easy to go wrong! To forget that respect thing. We do need reminding of some important facts. Child 2: Everyone is different. Child 3: We all look different Child 4: We all like different things Child 5: I like running! Child 6: I like football! Child 7: I like reading a book! Narrator: And that’s fine. Nothing wrong with having these differences! Child 8: Our world would be so boring if everyone was the same! Child 9: It doesn’t matter Child 10: If you support Chelsea! Child 11: Or Arsenal!

Love Is .... Assembly This class play on Love looks at what love means to each of us. Although it was written for Key Stage I (5 – 7 year olds) it can easily be adapted for use at Key Stage II (7 – 11 year olds) - the playlist of 10 suggested songs will be enjoyed by all ages. For scripts specific to Valentine’s Day, check out Sue Russell’s alternative Romeo and Juliet scripts. Cast of 25 - easily adapted up or down. Duration - around 15 - 20 mins (potential of doubling this with all music choices) Sample Text: (Enter Child 10, carrying a puppy) Music 7 Puppy Love – Donny Osmond Narrator: Ahh! (Gestures for everyone else to go ‘Ahhh!’) Who can resist a puppy? (Exit Child 10 plus puppy) (Enter Child 11, skipping) Narrator: Wow! Great skipping! You obviously love it! Child 11: And it’s good for me! (Exit Child 11, smiling happily) Narrator: Yes, any form of exercise is good for you! (Enter Child 12) Music 8 Can’t Stop the Feeling – Justin Timberlake (Whole cast singing and dancing) Narrator: And why do you love dancing so much? Child 12: How can you not love dancing? (Exit Child 12 smiling) Narrator: (Trying a few moves) Well, it is good exercise! (Enter Child 13, eating large bar of chocolate) Music 9 Sugar Sugar - The Archies Narrator: Hmm. I’m not sure this is quite so good for you! Child 13: Oh, but I just love chocolate! Who doesn’t? (Exit Child 13) Narrator: (Rubbing tummy) Mmmm. Beginning to feel a bit hungry! (Enter Child 14, reading ‘The Very Hungry Caterpillar’)

Environment Assembly - what can we do to help? Cast of 30 - easily adapted up or down. Narrator plus 29 protestors! And who would have thought our narrator would find himself ... a protestor? Duration - around 15 minutes reading time (not including music suggestions). The length of the script can of course be easily extended by adding on more information about man's negative impact on the environment and what we can do to reduce our carbon footprints. Sample text: Protestor 28: We can all do something Protestor 29: Even if it’s just in our own back yard. Narrator: (Applauding) Ah! Now you’re making sense! You see, sometimes I think we look at the big picture Protestor 1: (Interrupting) And feel overwhelmed? Narrator: Exactly! I mean, we all know about global warming, the greenhouse effect, the destruction of rainforests. And I for one think, well, what can I do about it? Protestor 1: And the good news is Whole cast: (Shouting together) Plenty! Narrator: Oh really? Well, you know something? I’m feeling better already! Protestor 2: So, here’s what we can do to help and sustain our world. Narrator: Hold on! Could you just explain what you mean by that last bit? Protestor 2: What? You mean the bit about sustaining our world? Narrator: Yes. If you would, please. Protestor 3: OK. So what we mean by sustaining life on this planet is looking after it in a way or ways which will last. We’re not looking for quick fix solutions which won’t last. Narrator: Excellent. And by ‘life’ Protestor 4: We don’t just mean that of us human beings Protestor 5: But the life of plants Protestor 6: Wildlife Protestor 7: Ecosystems Protestor 8: And habitats Narrator: You mean like the rainforests, the poles, the deserts, the oceans Protestor 9: Well, yes. But there are places far nearer to home that we can make a difference to now. Narrator: (Wiping his brow) Phew! I am so relieved you said that. I was beginning to feel overwhelmed again! Protestor 10: Let’s keep this simple! Narrator: Oh please! That would be a great comfort to me! Protestor 11: So, what can we do in our own back yard? Protestor 12: Clear it up? (Everyone laughs) Protestor 11: You’re right! That’s a good place to start. We all have way too much rubbish! Narrator: So how can we stop that? Protestor 12: How about we start with recycling? Narrator: You mean cycling … in reverse? (Everyone groans) Protestor 12: How about you leave the jokes to us! Though, recycling is no laughing matter. We should all be doing it.

Russian Assembly or Class Play Cast of 30 - easily adaptable up or down Duration - 10 - 20 minutes. (20 mins with inclusion of music suggestions and performances) Script can be further extended to include more information on the country. As always our narrator has his work cut out – kicking off assembly with having to keep bolshy Bolsheviks apart from arrogant tsars. Nothing bolshy about those Bolshoi ballerinas, fortunately - but who invited that mob of unruly Chelsea supporters along?! Normal formula of fun and laughter mixed in with a generous spattering of facts .. demonstrating just how much a country of contrasts Russia is. This script will be adapted to include longer reference to 2018 World Cup, nearer the time. Sample Text: Narrator: That’s better! Now let’s see. (Looking through script) What are a load of Chelsea Football supporters doing here in my Russian assembly? Supporter 1: Oh! Hadn’t you heard, mate? Supporter 2: Heard? Heard what? Supporter 3: That Chelsea Football Club is owned Supporter 4: By a Russian! Supporter 1: One Roman Obramovich! Supporter 2: One of the richest men in the world! Supporter 3: In charge of the greatest team in the world! (Half the cast boo and wolf whistle; and Narrator ushers supporters off before there is trouble) (Exit Chelsea supporters) Narrator: (Sighing) Oh dear! Nothing like lowering the tone of my assembly. It was all so lovely and cultured before that noisy lot turned up! (Enter 2 artists, Marc Chagall and Wassily Kandinsky, setting up their easels and painting, silently) Narrator: Ah! That’s more like it! The silent world of art! And who better to represent it than these two amazing Russian artists Marc Chagall: (Holding up picture of The Fiddler) Marc Chagall! Music 4 Fiddler on the Roof theme tune (Chorus from the musical could be performed either by the artist, Chagall, or someone else in the cast) Narrator: (Applauding) Wonderful! (To second artist, Wassily Kandinsky) And you, sir? Wassily Kandinsky: (Holding up Squares with Concentric Circles) Wassily Kandinsky Narrator: And this artwork is called? Wassily Kandinsky: Squares with Concentric Circles! Why do you look so surprised? Narrator: (Uneasily) Oh just expecting something …er. Em Wassily Kandinsky: (Angrily, snatching up his easel) A little more abstract?

Burns Night Assembly Cast of 30 - easily adaptable up or down Duration: Around 15 - 20 minutes (depending on number of music suggestions included). The assembly could be further extended by the addition of some of the poems of Robbie Burns. Who would not want to come to this party? Well, if you're not keen on bagpipes, it could be a problem! But the guest list is pretty unbeatable - with the likes of St Andrew, William Wallace, Mary Queen of Scots, James VI, Robert the Bruce, Walter Scott plus fellow writers, Alexander Bell plus fellow scientists, John McAdam plus fellow engineers, some sportsmen, politicians (fraid so!), that oh so enthusiastic chef (no prizes for guessing what he's served up!), Nessie (of course!) and not forgetting - that guy with the bagpipes .... oh and Robbie Burns!! This script comes with some seriously bad jokes – would definitely get the thumbs down from that other Mr Burns of Simpsons fame! Sample Text (Enter bagpipes player, with loud bagpipe accompaniment) (Everyone groans and cover their ears) Narrator: Stop! Please! I think I’m going mad! Bagpipes player: Och! You need to chill out a little, man! (Takes out bottle of whisky from inside kilt) Here! Have some of this fine Scottish whisky! Nothing quite like it for lessening the old stress levels! Narrator: (Taking the bottle and having a sip) Well as long as it means your volume levels take a corresponding dip! Bagpipes player: Oh to be sure! If that’s what keeps you happy! (Enter Scottish chef carrying tray of haggis) Scottish chef: And here’s something else to warm your inners! (Narrator takes a bite followed by a coughing fit) Narrator: What on earth was that? Scottish chef: Oh! Just a bit of sausage I cooked up! Narrator: Er, something tells me you’re holding back a bit on the description there? Scottish chef: Oh, didn’t I mention? It’s the inner organs of a sheep … cooked in the stomach of a sheep! (Narrator has explosive coughing fit) Scottish chef: Oh, and if you want to know what those organs are, they’re the liver, heart and lungs. Plus a little seasoning! Delicious, eh? (Narrator continues to ‘gag’) Bagpipes player: (To chef) Er, far be it from me to interrupt but I think we’ve had enough description! Scottish chef: Oh very well! (Placing tray on a chair) I’ll leave it here for you all to enjoy. (Whole cast pull faces) (Testily) This is meant to be a Burns celebration, you know! Other Scottish scripts available from Sue Russell. Please note: there is some duplication of content and characters in this script and the St. Andrews Assembly/Class Play.

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland Take Two - or The Trial of Alice (An alternative version) Insolent, conceited, insensitive, stupid, cruel, dishonest .... surely not the Alice that Lewis Carroll gave us? Read on to find out how false fiction can be in this alternative take on one of our best loved classics. In this one Alice is facing those animals she met ‘down the rabbit hole’ on her first visit – in court! See how she fares under the pressure of the justice system – Wonderland-Style! PLEASE NOTE: This is not a re-telling of the original story. Cast of 30. Duration: Longer version around 20 - 25 minutes; Shorter version around 15 – 20 minutes. Sample Script: Alice: Now look! There’s been some terrible mistake! I’m here to be queen, not prisoner! (Whole court erupts in laughter) Queen: (Holding her sides) Oh dear! This really is turning out to be the funniest day of my life! King: Totally priceless, my dear! Alice: (Sobbing) No! No! This can’t be happening. White Rabbit will tell you it as it is! (White Rabbit just shrugs his shoulders) Alice: Oh no! This has got to be a bad dream I’ll wake up from in a minute! (Alice pinches herself and then cries even more) (Mouse, Duck and Dodo stand up) Mouse: Oh oh! She’s making one of those lakes again! Duck: That’s how she caught us out last time! Dodo: Playing the innocent! Mouse: And then scaring me to death with stories of that cat! Alice: You mean, Dinah? (Mouse starts screaming; other two get him to sit down) Duck: (To King) You see what I mean? Dodo: Ah! She’s not going to get away with it a second time! (King gestures for both to sit down) Alice: Get away with what? Queen: (To King) Does it matter? Off with her head! Alice: I was wondering when you were going to get round to saying that! King: Oh! The cheek! (To jurors) Please note. Offence Number one – Threatening Behaviour Alice: But I King: Offence Number Two – Interrupting Alice: But that’s not fair! King: Offence Number Three – Whingeing and complaining Alice: Hey, wait a minute King: Offence Number Four – Speaking out of turn (Alice is about to say something else but White Rabbit rushes over and puts his paw over her mouth) Queen: (To White Rabbit) Thank you! She really doesn’t know when to shut up, does she? King: No my dear! Not at all like you! Queen: Not at all! Alice: Huh! That’s a joke! Queen: (Screaming) Off with her head! Off with her head! (King ‘calms her down’ before addressing jurors again, both scribbling away trying to keep up) King: Make that Offence Number Five – Being Insolent and Rude and Juror 1: Please slow down a bit. Juror 2: We’re not used to as many offences as this!

Risk and Danger Assembly Perhaps first thing I should point out is that this assembly poses absolutely zero risk to the general public! And I include audience and cast in that statement! Cast of 30, duration around 10 - 15 minutes not including music suggestions: 1. Dangerous – Michael Jackson 2. Take a Chance – Abba 3. Superstition – Stevie Wonder 4. I Will Survive – Gloria Gaynor 5. Oops I did it Again – Britney Spears This script maintains an element of fun throughout what is quite a serious theme. The Narrator certainly thinks so, armed with Health & Safety Directive! But it also looks at the lives of some of our greatest heroes - and how they had to forsake 'risk assessment' (did they have that in Horatio Nelson's day?!) in favour of sheer valour. Some great quotes - thank you Sir Winston Churchill and Sir Woody Allen, among others. Oh and of course the great Julius Caesar for providing some much needed action! Following is feedback from customer who requested I write this script: ‘Love, love, love it thank you so much! I highly recommend Sue's Plays class assemblies. They are clever, witty and the children have so much fun performing them! Sue wrote a fabulous class assembly to meet my specific title and got it to me within one day. I was overwhelmed with Sue's quick response and attention to detail. Thank you, Phil.’ Feedback like this keeps me writing - HUGE thank you to Phil! Sample Text: Narrator: And you all have statues of yourselves in London, am I right? (All nod) Richard the Lionheart: But we didn’t all die comfortably in our beds! Narrator: (Sighing) I just knew I could hear a but coming! Horatio Nelson: But don’t you see? (Passes telescope from ‘bad’ eye to good) Ah that’s better! What was I saying? Sir Thomas More: I think you were trying to say, none of us could have achieved what we did in our lifetimes, without taking some risks. Narrator: (Aghast) Risks? You mean, you took more than one? Mary Queen of Scots: (Impatiently) Of course we did! You can’t go through life all wrapped up in cotton wool Boadicea: Even if it means you do come to a somewhat sticky end! Narrator: Ooh! Not on this stage, please! (Julius Caesar stumbles onto the stage, with ‘dagger in his chest’) Julius Caesar: Et tu, Brute! (Julius Caesar collapses in a heap) (Tumultuous applause from the whole cast) Narrator: (Tutting) So much for 'Famous last words'! (Exit everyone except Narrator, moping his brow) Narrator: Oh dear! And after all that risk assessment I did earlier today – and I still manage to get carnage on the

Stone Age to Iron Age Class Play Cast of 30 – easily adjustable up or down Duration: 15 to 20 minutes not including music suggestions This is one of two scripts written by Sue Russell and was written for upper Key Stage II (9 – 11 year olds). The second, Changes in Britain from the Stone Age to the Iron Age - also available off this website - was written as a simplified version of this one, for lower Key Stage II i.e. 7 – 9 year olds. This script has a truly wide-ranging cast that includes a hunter gatherer, a farmer, some guys with ropes from Stonehenge, a 'Rolling Stone', a caveman, ape, cast of Ice Age, a Celt, Iron Man ... and a Narrator and Archaeologist that just can't seem to get on! Starting 9 million years ago and running through all three 'ages': Stone, Bronze and Iron (yes, the play does take 'ages'!) this is an informative but, as usual, fun romp through history - with one long-suffering narrator! I chose to try to explain a little about evolution and how Stone Age Man 'came about' so as to put the aforementioned Ages into context. There is a phenomenal amount of information to cover in this 'Unit' but I hope I have covered the most important changes in this class play. The guided reading scripts, which can be read in the classroom, to accompany this class play, will I hope offer a more comprehensive coverage of the subject, with the usual quizzes to assess knowledge gained. Sample Text: Whole Cast: (Together) The Stone Age! Narrator: Ah! There we are! Now, that’s progress for you! (Enter Hunter Gatherer) (Narrator looks him up and down) Narrator: Hmm. Well, maybe not that much progress! (Exit Hunter Gatherer, shrugging his shoulders) Child 9: (To Narrator, angrily) Patience! Evolution takes time! It doesn’t just happen overnight, you know! Narrator: (Looking at his watch) I’m beginning to realise that. Now, where are we on that timeline? Child 8: (To Narrator, impatiently) Around 2 and a half million years ago! Weren’t you listening? When man starting using stone tools! That’s why it’s called Whole cast: (Together) The Stone Age! Narrator: OK! We got that! But how do we know that’s when stone tools were used? (Enter Archaeologist) Archaeologist: (To Narrator) You asking more questions again? Narrator: Well, Archaeologist: (Interrupting) That’s OK! That’s why I’m hired to do my job! To give people like you evidence!

Harvest Festival Whole Class Assembly This class assembly, written for cast of 30 (easily adapted up or down) is a kind of alternative Harvest Festival, the suggestion being the class are the crop with teachers as harvesters. Duration around 10 - 20 minutes depending on how much music is used. Starting with hymn 'We plough the fields and scatter' and ending with beautiful Michael Jackson song - 'We are the world, we are the children' which sums up the message behind this assembly. Also available - another Harvest Festival script written for just 6 speakers (feathery fowl!) but with suggestions in productions notes as to how to convert this into whole class assembly. Sample Text Child 1: It’s easy because all you have to do is give or share whatever gift you have! Narrator: Wait a minute! You’re losing me! (Repeating) ‘Whatever gift you have’? Child 2: Right! We all have our own special gift to give! Child 3: Bit like a seed in all of us. Child 4: Sometimes that seed germinates by itself Music 2 (Enter Child 5, singing, as ‘rock star’ – choice of ‘rock star’ track down to children) Narrator: (Applauding) Wow! That’s some voice you’ve got! Child 5: Well, thank you. But it wouldn’t mean anything to me unless I could share it with my fans! (Exit Child 5) (Enter Child 6, writing) (Narrator walks over to Child 6, who gives notebook to him/her to read) Narrator: Wow! How did you come up with all these ideas? What a story! Child 6: Thank you. And it’s the fact I can share it with all my hundreds of thousands of readers that makes it so special to me. (Exit Child 6) Child 7: But we’re not of course suggesting we can all be rock stars or famous authors! Child 8: Some of us, despite huge talent, may reach a much smaller audience. Child 9: Fame isn’t everything and it is only the tiny minority that achieve it. Child 10: Which isn’t to say we shouldn’t all strive to make the very most of whatever gift we possess. Narrator: Ah! I see! (Pauses) By ‘gift’ you mean ‘talent’? Child 11: That’s right! And we all have our very own special talent – even if it doesn’t bring us fame and riches! Child 12: (Grunting and pulling a face) Hmm. That’s a shame!

Alternative Hamlet guided reading script plus lesson plan and synopses of original story and alternative This script is a conversational piece between 6 speakers. And is also available as part of a collection of four (with additional synopses – of the original and alternative scripts): • Hamlet • Macbeth • Midsummer Night's Dream • Romeo & Juliet off TES and ww.plays-r-ussell.com Sample Text: Speakers: Narrator Hamlet Claudius Gertrude Polonius Laertes Narrator: So, who’s going to tell me what really happened? Hamlet: What do you mean? Everyone knows it was Claudius who killed my father, then married my mother, stepping into my father’s shoes as both husband and king! Gertrude: (Sighing) Oh Hamlet! Can you still not face up to the truth? After all that has happened? Claudius: A pity he couldn’t face up to it before! Polonius: Just think how many lives that would have saved! Mine for one! Laertes: And mine, plus my sister’s. Hamlet: (Sarcastically) And those of my devoted parents? I don’t think so! Gertrude: Oh Hamlet, what did I ever do to deserve such cruel words? What would your father have said? Hamlet: Which one? The one you married in such joyful circumstances,… or the other, whom you married in such disgraceful haste? Gertrude: You know full well, I meant your natural father. He was indeed a fine and noble man. Hamlet: So why did you swap him for this rogue? This devil? This murderer? Laertes: You really didn’t think much of your new father, did you, Hamlet? Hamlet: Huh! And what about yours? Nothing very noble about his snooping around, finding out mischief wherever he could! Just a question of time before that proved his undoing! Polonius: You really do have the most bitter heart! None of us ever bore you any malice. I do wonder where all that inner poison came from – that so poisoned your soul. Hamlet: Well, there was plenty of the real stuff around! Like what killed my father, for example! Claudius: How many more times do you have to be told – it was an accident. There was no foul play. Narrator: I think we need to look at this pretty carefully, as it is this matter of guilt upon which the whole story hinges. It was always my understanding that Hamlet was the hapless victim, driven by revenge for the murder of his father. Claudius: But that’s just it! There was no murder! It was all in his head! Hamlet: Well, you would say that, wouldn’t you? Narrator: So where is your proof, Hamlet? It had better be good or you’ve got a lot to answer for!

Sleeping Beauty Assembly This 'alternative' version has a cast size: 12 upwards. This is the number of main speaking parts; but with the addition of ‘courtiers’ the cast size can easily be increased upwards. Duration: Around 20 minutes. This is a truly alternative version of Sleeping Beauty – with a ‘Wicked’ Fairy who hates anything ‘nice’; a king and queen ‘at loggerheads’, a princess destined not to win a prince (of any description), and as usual, a despairing narrator – given the impossible task off pulling of yet another ill-fated assembly! It can be used for PSHE - as it strongly reinforces the importance of saying Thank You; or it can be used in Literature (as an example of an alternative text) or as a play to put on at Christmas. Sample Text: King: One hundred years? Seems a little O.T.T.! Queen: One hundred years? But that means I’ll be dead when she wakes up! Sleep Fairy: Oh, you don’t need to worry about that! You will all fall asleep together. And wake up together! King: (Spluttering) But! But! What about Man. United? Are they going to be asleep too? Sleep Fairy: Er, no.. Queen: And what about Eastenders? How can I possibly catch up on one hundred years’ worth of episodes? Narrator: (Sarcastically) Oh dear! And what if World War Three breaks out? Oh, but I guess that pales into insignificance alongside football teams and soaps! Beautiful Fairy: Oh, you can always come to me for those. (Delving into cosmetics bag) Now, let me see. I have lavender scented, or un-perfumed if you prefer … Narrator: (Exploding) No, I don’t prefer! Here we are, discussing the future of the world – and all you can think about is …… cosmetics? Sleep Fairy: (Clutching head) For some strange reason, that headache of mine doesn’t seem to be getting any better. Perhaps it’s a little peace and quiet that I need! You (turning to King and Queen) should be happy that you’ve got off so light! You’re not going to die, are you? I‘m going to leave now – before I change my mind! (Exit Sleep Fairy) Narrator: Well, really! These fairies are just so – touchy! King: That’s women, for you! ‘Course it’s left to us men to do what’s practical. Like banning all spinning wheels in the kingdom! Queen: (Hugging King) Oh, dearie! How very clever of you! Clever Fairy: I was just about to make that suggestion myself! Good Fairy: Well, it was good of you to let him have his moment of glory. (Aside) I strongly suspect he won’t have many more!

Midsummer Night’s Dream Assembly This version of A Midsummer Night's Dream is directed, as a school assembly, by William Shakespeare's own son, Hamnet. Written for cast of 16-30, running time approx. 40 minutes, this play follows the original plot, but has some interesting twists along the way - to say nothing of how the 'play within a play' players are treated: a heroic Pyramus played by a 'large butt' Bottom; the lovely Thisby by a bushy bearded Flute; a wall by red-nosed sniffing Snout; Moonshine by 'starving' Starveling and not forgetting Snug's all important part - that of an asthmatic lion! And as if four confused lovers isn't enough to contend with on stage plus some very non-cooperative fairies - our poor director, Hamnet also has his playwright father to deal with! Also available: an alternative Midsummer Nights Dream - entitled Midsummer Nightmare, with Michael Jackson's Thriller taking us through the 'transitions'! There are three versions of this, with differing cast sizes and performance times. Sample Text Hamnet: Scene II Elsewhere in the wood (Group of very ‘out of tune/tone-deaf' fairies sing their idea of a lullaby to Titania, lying with her hands over her ears) Music 3 - All I Ever Do is Dream by the Everly Brothers Hamnet: Cut! Thank you! Can't you see the poor woman is trying to get to sleep? (Fairies exit, sulkily; Titania gives a sigh of relief and falls asleep) (Enter Oberon, sprinkling herb drops on sleeping Titania's eyelids) Oberon: There we go. Sleep tight, my dear. And wake when some vile thing is near. (Exit Oberon) (Enter Lysander and Hermia; Lysander struggling with a huge suitcase, Hermia limping along behind) Hermia: (Irritably) I told you we should have bought a map! Just look at my feet, all covered in blisters! Lysander: Ah quit complaining! At least you haven't been lugging this great case along behind you. So much for traveling light! Hermia: (Snatching suitcase) Well, let me relieve you of it! (Pulls out teddy bear and flings it at Lysander) There you go! Teddy can be your companion for the night! See you in the morning! (Hermia stalks off, with suitcase, to opposite side of stage. Proceeds to take out sleeping bag, pillow, and rugs - all of which make for a comfortable night's sleep; leaving Lysander to ‘cuddle up' with just the teddy. Both drift off to sleep)

Midsummer Nights Dream Alternative Version III This alternative ‘nightmare’ version of Midsummer Night's Dream runs at approximately 50 minutes, has a cast of 25, and a 'wicked' choice of music! This is the third in a series of scripts written by playwright Sue Russell - the first was for a small summer camp group (of 10), the second for an expanded cast (of 17), and this third for a cast of 25. Suitable for children and adults alike - let's hope your director has an easier time of it than mine (alias long suffering teacher!) Theseus: Are you referring to our night's entertainment, my dear? Hippolyta: If you can call it that! From what I've heard .. Theseus: (Interrupting) Ah, never judge a book by its cover! Teacher: (Raising his copy of Midsummer Night's Dream, above the covers) Indeed. You can say that again! Still, nothing's going to spoil anything tonight. Just as long as I stay awake to the end! (Bottom, bouncing onto the stage) Bottom: And we'll sure make sure that there's no falling asleep during our amazing performance! (Joined by Quince, Flute, Snout, Starveling and Snug) Bottom: Or should I say, my amazing performance! Quince: Now, now, Bottom! Remember what I said to you about team spirit! Bottom: (Tutting) Makes it sound more like a game of soccer! I prefer to think of myself as following in the footsteps of Brad Pitt, rather than David Beckham! Lysander: (Laughing) I'm sure either gentleman would be equally honored - to know who was following him! Demetrius: Of course! (Pointing at Bottom) What a fine figure of a man! Hermia: (Crossing her brow with her hand) I grow weak, just looking at him! Helena: (Pretending to faint) Such a man! Such a vision of .... Theseus: (Impatiently) Yes, yes. Could we leave the amateur dramatics to these 6 players please? Hippolyta: (Groaning) Something tells me, this is going to be one long night!