While it might not be 31 December and we’re not singing Auld Lang Syne (badly), it is the end of another school year and a good time to think about what we’d rather leave in 2017/18 - here’s my top five.
1. News headlines that start with ‘Schools should’
In fact, I don’t just want to leave these in this academic year, I want to ban them entirely. Here’s a small selection thrown up by the Google search ‘schools should’:
- School should make obese pupils thinner and Schools should tackle negative body image
- Schools should run parenting classes and Schools should stop telling parents how to raise their children
- Schools should promote celibacy in sex ed and Schools should teach children how to get pregnant
- Schools should provide the morning-after pill
It’s not that all of these things are even bad ideas - or that they don’t already happen - it just becomes rather infuriating to have all of society’s problems put at the doors of schools. And, as most of these pairings show, people don’t always agree with what we should be doing or teaching and often schools just end up being targeted from all directions.
The only way these news stories should be allowed is if the person suggesting what schools ‘should do’ can also suggest what schools should stop doing in order to make room and time for it - there’s only so many hours in a day.
2. Badly timed announcements from the DfE
Releasing the workload toolkit as the summer holidays begin? Announcing the details of the new curriculum fund programme pilot a week into the summer holidays and setting the deadline to apply just two weeks into the new school year?
One word: facepalm.
You don’t need me to point out the irony of this sort of behaviour, while in the next breath Damian Hinds and co bang on about being committed to addressing our workloads. I can’t help but think they need to re-read their own advice on when to send and not send emails in their workload toolkit.
Come on - do better
3. Never ending school website updates
Seriously, just when you think you’re compliant, oh no! You’ve now got to publish how many Year 6 children can swim 25m - and I’m pretty sure that was announced in a school holiday, too (see above point, grr).
What next? Actually, don’t answer that question because I don’t yet know how many children can do 30 burpees by the end of key stage 1.
4. The Big O
No, not Ofsted - although there could be some discussion around this - but the “outstanding” grade. I’m particularly gutted about this one because for a moment there I really thought chief inspector Amanda Spielman was going to do away with it.
I mean, since she’s taken over at Ofsted Towers, I feel like she’s come out with some incredibly sensible things, the kind of things that as a member of senior leadership of a primary school I want to hear, so when the whispers about Ofsted ditching the outstanding grade started circulating, I got excited.
But no, it turns that no one has what it takes to say goodbye to that just yet. If we could go into 2018-19 with a system where the judgement of each school was just a summary of its strengths and areas of improvement, with less focus on a one-word label that looks good on a banner hanging from the school gate, well that would be, er, outstanding. Ahem.
5. And finally…
Slime. Yes, slime. Seriously I’ve had enough of the stuff. Pots of it everywhere, picking up more germs, bacteria and fluff than can be found down the back of a student’s sofa and getting more grim by the second. Bring back fidget spinners and loom bands… did I actually just say that out loud?
Claire Lotriet is assistant headteacher at Henwick Primary School in London. She tweets at @OhLottie
