Staff meetings. The mere mention of them sends a chill down the most hardened of spines.
It is not just that you get bombarded with back-breaking piles of CPP (Completely Pointless Paperwork), say teachers on the TES online forums. It is more that what could be summed up in five minutes ends up taking hours.
“I can’t remember the last truly constructive meeting I went to,” sighs Savannah1. “It was probably the one that was cancelled.”
Oldgit61 has devised a cunning plan to get out of them. Instead of enduring the head and middle managers “talking bollocks so that they can feel great about themselves”, he sets his phone to ring in the middle.
“You then dash out looking alarmed while making frantic ‘sorry, sorry’ signs with your hands.” For the ultimate perfectionist, add “windmill arms”, he suggests.
Here is something that could spice up the old staff meetings: have Prince William as a colleague. It is not so far fetched, insists Vehar, who is surprised that no member of the royal family has thought of it before.
“If Wills did a PGCE, he could have an exciting, even occasionally dangerous job, which would give him vocational satisfaction, reasonable pay and good holidays.”
Magic Surf Bus is more concerned with how the Mrs will fill her time in Anglesey while her beau is out rescuing stranded hikers in Snowdonia.
“It’s not exactly the social hub of the realm,” she muses. Still, if Kate wants to get “down” with her subjects, she can always hang out with the teenagers outside the local Spar.
“They could watch the traffic lights change colour together,” she suggests. Ah, simple pleasures.
At least the royal wedding is good for something, forum users agree. It will, of course, herald a day off. Yet who was the clever sod who put it bang in the middle of the Easter school holidays?
Katy_lou_99 is more than a little concerned about the timings. Her school term starts on 3 May next year, too late to take advantage of the day off on 29 April. Will they be able to take an extra day off in lieu, she wonders.
It won’t make any difference to Giraffe, who is determined to stay miserable no matter where he is. “We have a tradition of avoiding royal celebrations,” he says. “When Charles got married, we went to the Dassett hills for a picnic to be far away from blaring TV sets and silly flag waving.”
Jacob is even more disheartened: 2011 will be the first year his birthday has ever been in the holidays. Then they go and stick a “poxy royal wedding” on it.
Who will turn up for his birthday party? Crack open the bubbly and at least Giraffe will be there in an instant.
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THIS WEEK’S POLL
Should the law requiring pupils to take part in a daily act of collective worship be abolished?
YES: 75%
NO: 25%
To vote in next week’s poll visit www.tes.co.ukpoll.
