Lead to the table top,
The first twist around the metal pole
The striptease continues.
Slowly she sheds her dirty skin,
Leaving her lingering scent behind her.
Around the newly revealed figure,
Lie the peeled coils of colour.
As the rhythmic turns continue
A crowd of stubble gathers.
Tapping in trays, piles of ash form,
A dense black smoke mingles
Around her new body.
She turns: Clean. Pure. Sharp.
Getting straight to the point.
Clara Finlay (left), 15, and Eleanor Martin-Smith 14, Toot Hill school, The Banks, Bingham, Notts
I am intrigued by the dual penmanship of this poem. Two heads speaking as one voice. It strikes me that anyone writing a poem needs two heads - one to write with, one to read with - the creative and critical faculties coming together, taking turns, and knowing when to do so.
Last night, I watched Madonna on television: here is an altogether slower, sleazier striptease. And yet, nakedness is presented as something new, clean, and pure; a revelation more of mind than of body. Conversely, clothes are a “dirty skin” to be shed, in a crowd of stubble, ash and smoke. I like the subversion of this conceit and admire the use of extended metaphor.
The act of sharpening a pencil is minutely observed and at every point correlates with the act on stage, without any sense of being forced. After the sinuous body of the poem, the ending is marvellously crisp, those three monosyllables like slaps in the face, before the punch line hits home.
mimi khalvati Clara Finlay and Eleanor Martin-Smith receive Emergency Kit: Poems for Strange Times, edited by Jo Shapcott and Matthew Sweeney (Faber). Their poem was submitted by Chris Hildrew. Mimi Khalvati is TES guest poet for the autumn term. She has published five collections of poetry, including her Selected Poems, published by Carcanet in 2001. A new book, The Chine, is due in January next year. She is founder-director of the Poetry School in London. Please send poems, no longer than 20 lines, to Friday magazine, Admiral House, 66-68 East Smithfield, London E1W 1BX. Include the poet’s name, age and address, the name of the submitting teacher and the school address. Or email: friday@tes.co.ukThe TESBook of Young Poets (pound;9.99), a selection of poems from this column, can be ordered on 0145 617370. A set of posters costs pound;3.99
