1. It’s summer term! Summer! So the first training day of term takes place in an unheated room, with rain pattering against the window panes and teachers stoically shivering in T-shirts and ballet pumps.
2. This will be the last training day of the school year. Unless there’s another one lined up. In which case, that will be the last training day of the school year.
3. Every conversation begins with the phrase, “How was your Easter?”
4. The introduction of the new bull****-bingo term: “Progress 8”.
5. You bring out the summer uniforms, still smelling faintly of lavender and creased from seven months of being stored beneath all the winter clothes.
6. You begin to wonder whether you’d be acquitted on the grounds of undue duress, if you were to punch the next person who asked how your Easter was.
7. Reception and Year 1 teachers huddle around their mugs of hot tea, looking out at the playground, where their pupils are breaking out in goosebumps and turning a delicate shade of blue.
8. Year 6 teachers, meanwhile, are breaking out in goosebumps for a different reason. Only four more weeks to go.
9. But at least they’re not teaching Year 11.
10. Staffroom conversations involve reminiscing nostalgically about the days when summer term was all about sports days, residential trips and school reports.
11. It’s now all about intervention impact monitoring.
12. Then the sun comes out, and everyone heads to the sports field to sit in the warmth.
13. That’s just the teachers. The pupils head to the sports field to stare at the teachers sitting in the sun.
14. People start making daisy chains and blowing on blades of grass in order to make squeaking noises. This is not just the teachers.
15. Someone suggests an outdoor lesson. It’s only revision, anyway.
16. The sight - or even the rumour of the sight - of a wasp destroys even the most peaceful lesson.
17. Year 6 asks if they can do “something cool” for their end-of-year play. You wonder whether you’ll be able to persuade them that Jonah-Man Jazz is cool.
18. You can’t. They ask if they can do Grease instead.
19. You spend several evenings in a row with the Grease script, crossing out all the rude lyrics. There are a lot of rude lyrics in Grease.
20. You eventually give in to the demands for an outdoor lesson. Someone sits on a wasp.
21. The heating comes back on.

With thanks to: Geoff Barton, Nancy Gedge and Sarah Ledger

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