1 www.whogoesthere.co.uk

Were those really our pupils who forced an old lady into the gutter? This site links seamlessly to street videocams and identifies pupils through a database. Images are scanned and matched for uniform, badge and scruffiness (an Ofsted criterion). You can set up congestion charging for 4x4s at the school gates. Forthcoming: an infra-red attachment to scan for weapons and plagiarised work.

2 www.contextwhatcontext.org Are you a parent or governor struggling with contextual value-added? This site is developing links to sources such as www.anothersticktobeatyouwith.org, sponsored by the Department for Education and Skills, and the Council for Plain Statistics’ website www.theresnosuchthingasafreeschoolmeal.com. It links neatly to Google Earth, where satellite images take you on a real-time journey from Clarity to Confusion via Hope in Derbyshire.

3 www.conferencechoice.ac.uk Not sure which conference to spend your budget on? Then get help here. A set of algorithms can guide your spend. It also accounts for speakers’ ability to keep listeners awake after lunch, bar prices, a barometer of speeches (very cold to cool) and traffic lights to help gauge your chances of pulling hot leadership-team types.

4 www.dfesformfill.sch.uk

Trouble with forms for funding? This site has some helpful wizards. It will auto-fill any DfES form using data from your Panda and other documents.

5 www.confused?youshouldbe.co.uk Problems working out recruitment policy in the face of ever-changing guidance on child protection? If so, this site brings together your local authority, the DfES and Criminal Records Bureau advice. It allows you to download a widget to compare guidance documents, highlighting conflicts and contradictions. But please note that this is version 6.0 of the software and versions 6.5, 7.1 and 7.3 are expected in the next five weeks - or when it is politically expedient. The developers are promising that future versions will incorporate the popular scrap and rewrite another policy (SARAP) enhancement much loved by deputies.

Neil Roskilly is a principal in Cambridge