Students. They come, they go. They go, they come. They’re all alike, all different. And at this time of year you say goodbye to them. Or, more entertainingly, they say goodbye to you.

Farewell messages come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes they are inscribed in cards of differing dimensions and taste, or attached to bottles of Woolworths after-shave. Sometimes they are neither of these, but have the smack of authenticity nonetheless.

The one quoted below turned up recently in the inbox of a colleague at another college. Its sentiments are touching, as such messages often are, but look out for the sting in the tail:

“Hey Dermot i have attached my bibloigraphy for my documnetary if you would be so kind as to attach it within my project folder. thanx a lot. just want to say aswell that i have really enjoyed the last year at the college it has been really fun and a great learning experience. i have never been one for education but this time around was great, i think you jill, david and gina are great teachers and I have thouroughly ejoyed being your student. Sounds like a typical kiss ass kinda thing but its not, im genuinly happy that i did the course and had u guys as teachers. i wish u the best of luck in the future. going on what kids are like today you gona be screwed in years to come so enjoy it while u can.. lolololol thanx again for all your help.”

As you can see, in order to retain the “flava” I have rendered it pretty much as he wrote it. Except he wasn’t so polite as to say “screwed”!