“We’re sorry, but your application has not been successful at this time,” the email reads.

I can’t help but be disappointed. After stepping down from leadership following a somewhat disastrous return from maternity leave, I am now on a quest for my next job.

I want desperately to believe that each application heralds the promise of a new chapter. However, with yet another rejection, the self-doubt creeps in. What am I doing wrong?

I ask my colleagues - they, politely and quite superficially, respond with pacifying platitudes. However comforting it is to be told “it’s not you, it’s them”, I want to be forensically examined. I want to improve. I want a new role.

Getting feedback from teacher interviews

There’s an obvious solution: go to the source of my last rejection. I ask for feedback on my application, and receive a call from the deputy head. 

She has clearly spent a great deal of time looking through my application, making amendments, and gives me clear, direct pointers on how to make my covering letter sharp, punchy and impact-led. 

The feedback is supportive, and delivered in a succinct and helpful manner. It is superb. After the call, despite being subject to such in-depth critique, I feel elated. The deputy head had seen my worth and awarded me value, through the simple act of giving up her time and expertise.

Putting it into practice

A few weeks later, I have another job opportunity. This time, my letter feels powerful. Every word is crafted for impact, and it works - I am invited for interview. 

Buoyed with confidence, I answer the questions assertively and feel good about my performance. 

But then a day later, the phone rings. 

“We’re sorry, but your application has not been successful at this time.”

Determined not to let the chance for an immediate response slip away, I ask my question: “What am I doing wrong?” The answer was simple: I had asked for what I wanted and they couldn’t give it to me. 

This feedback, although less detailed than what I’d received before, was no less helpful. It confirmed that I’d misjudged the situation with this job role, and therefore I’d taken the wrong approach, belligerently pushing for a leadership position that just didn’t exist.

So what have I learned from these experiences? Here are my tips for requesting feedback and putting it into practice.

1. Timing matters

Ask for feedback at the appropriate opportunity. The sooner you ask for it, the more likely you are to receive a really detailed response.

However, do consider the emotional toll this may have on you if you are already feeling disappointed. Some time and distance can help you step back and see the situation more clearly, and therefore respond professionally.

2. Write it down

Make notes. When the feedback is given verbally, take the time to write down the pertinent points, so that you can reflect on it later.

However the feedback is delivered, ask questions, ask for clarity, and ask for clear examples to enable you to act on it successfully next time.

3. Listen, but think before you act

Don’t take feedback at face value. Reflect on whether this feedback feels right to you. Are there any agendas or biases behind it?

Generalised feedback may suggest that you simply weren’t quite the right fit for this organisation. Remember when acting on feedback to still remain true to your values: this is your application, and your career.

4. Show, don’t tell

Demonstrate your willingness to potential employers to act on their feedback. If the feedback has been constructive, don’t just thank them - show them!

Next time you apply for a role, go back and solicit their advice. The likelihood is they will be willing to help, and will be impressed that you are being so proactive. It may lead to them remembering you favourably for future opportunities.

Lucy Flower is a music teacher from Leeds