The worlds of literature and further education may, on first sight, appear to have little in common. But there is a thread between the two, dating back to Tom Sharpe’s Wilt series of cult-comedy novels, first published in 1976, detailing the eponymous protagonist’s shenanigans at the fictional Fenland College of Arts and Technology.

One strand of literature in particular, however - poetry - is less well-trodden territory when it comes to FE (former 157 Group supremo Lynne Sedgmore being an honourable exception). So FErret was shocked when presented with a poem - inspired by Shakespeare - crafted by Andy Forbes, Tes columnist and principal of the College of Haringey, Enfield and North-East London, exploring the dramatis personae who dominate the lives of college staff across the land...

All of further education is a stage,

All staff and students merely players,

They have their exits and their entrances,

And one lifelong learner plays many parts,

Their acts being seven ages. At first the key stage 4,

Mewling and puking in the lecturer’s arms.

Then, the whining school leaver with backpack

And shining morning face, creeping like snail

Unwillingly to their study programme. And then the access student,

Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad

Sprawled across their Ucas statement. Then an apprentice,

Full of strange oaths, and carrying a clipboard,

Jealous in honour, skilled, and quick in quarrel,

Seeking the trailblazer standard

Even in the employer’s mouth. Then the adult returner

In fair round belly, with life experience lined

With eyes severe, and hair of formal cut,

Full of old truths, and modern instances,

And so they play their part. The sixth age shifts

Into the lean and harassed college principal,

With spectacles on nose, and pouch on side,

Their youthful fire well gone, a world too wide,

For their shrunk shank, and their big headteacherly voice,

Turning again towards childish treble, pipes

And whistles in their sound. Last scene of all,

That ends this strange eventful history,

Is area review, merger and mere oblivion,

Sans staff, sans students, sans assets, sans everything.

Share your gossip, scandal and intrigue with FErret by emailing ferret@tesglobal.com