I have come late in life to the writings of Maya Angelou, the US poet and civil rights activist. I rather regret that it took me so long. One of her more memorable quotes is: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

This is a key lesson for school leaders: it’s the feelings that are most often the driver for behaviours and performance.

So how do we ensure that we make an impact on the way our staff feel? I have found that a crucial tool is mentoring.

Over a year ago, I grasped the opportunity to undertake an executive coaching and mentoring qualification at postgraduate level. From afar, it looked vaguely interesting and I knew of others, whose judgement I respected, who had completed it and spoke highly of it.

Seven taught days, a great deal of reading, more than 30 hours of practice coaching and over 15,000 words of writing later, I have gained a great deal in terms of holding focused, clear discussions that help people to review, analyse and improve their performance. So what are the key elements of coaching?

It’s the culture, stupid

Coaching aims to improve performance. In schools, this means the ability to produce great teaching and great leadership - these are the key influences on pupils’ progress, achievements and personal development. A school culture that focuses primarily on summary judgements of their employees’ performance and narrow accountability measures, such as Progress 8, is unlikely to build or sustain continuing high performance.

On the other hand, establishing a positive culture of open reflection and analysis almost certainly will. Coaching makes having such conversations a natural part of the landscape for teachers and other employees in the school.

Listen, listen and listen

The hardest thing about coaching is having the ability to listen; to really listen so that you can work out what the underlying facts and feelings really are. Only by listening carefully can you hope to enable the person you are coaching to take responsibility for the change in their behaviour that is needed to improve.

Be aware that people have different motivators to you

Psychologist David McClelland’s theory of needs suggests that everyone has three motivators that need to be satisfied across their personal and professional lives: achievement, affiliation and power/influence.

People behave very differently at work, according to how well their needs in each of these areas are being satisfied. Indeed, I have found problems often arise because there is a mismatch between one of these needs and the ability of the person to have it fulfilled at work.

As a coach, I’m aware of the danger of assuming that my need for achievement, for example, is the same as that of the people I coach. Of course, it may not be. So, I have to be aware of imposing my needs on others.

Progress takes time

It takes time for people to cotton on and achieve a depth of understanding of themselves that allows them to see a way forward. You have to be patient. Don’t expect a quick return.

How many times can you ask the same question?

Just like the best learning in lessons, the best coaching requires the person being coached to suffer cognitive fatigue as a result of thinking hard about the issues. That means asking lots of questions so that they are forced to explore, evaluate, summarise and synthesise. As a coach, I have to find different ways of asking open-ended questions that make this cognition happen. These questions might be prompted by a discussion of a model of leadership (see McClelland, mentioned above). There may also be other ways of breaking the thinking down into manageable and digestible pieces.

The light-bulb moment leads to transformation

You know you have success when the person you are coaching finally acknowledges that they can transform their circumstances by taking responsibility for their actions, the way they behave and the way they portray themselves to others. Realising that they have control over such matters and over their options for the future is often a moment of great emotion.

The purpose of coaching is to improve performance. Great coaching is demanding on the coach and the subject. It has improved my performance as a school leader so that I provide clarity for my colleagues, and, if they are to be believed, it has also improved the performance of those I have coached.

We’re now rolling out formal training in coaching for performance to all our leaders. Down the line, I expect it will have added to the continuing transformation and evolution of the school. If you’re still busy planning your approach to the year ahead, I would suggest that coaching should be central to it.

Mike Buchanan is headteacher of Ashford School and an Ofsted inspector