Most of us try to have face-to-face meetings when communicating difficult news. 

Although you may dread such conversations and struggle to fit them into your day, speaking directly with someone enables you to read their face and body language, and enables them to read yours.

There are times, however, when a phone call is the only option.

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Perhaps the child has done something risky, or wrong, and so you have to be the bearer of this bad news. No one - not even the most experienced and confident teacher - finds these kinds of phone calls easy. But this checklist will help you do it the right way.

Before you phone

• Check the names of the parents you are phoning. Don’t presume that they have the same surname as the child.
• Give yourself a quiet space to make the phone call; there is nothing worse than someone hearing that you don’t feel comfortable. 
• Write down the three key points you want to make, including any difficult phrases or words that you need to include. 
• Talk it through with a line manager or colleague beforehand if necessary.
• Remind yourself that you are doing this for the good of the child. If you didn’t phone, you couldn’t move forward and help them.

During the phone call

• Always ask parents if it’s a good time to talk; they may still be in their workplace, for example, with you on speaker.
• Really listen to them.
• Don’t expect their first response to be the only response. They may change their attitude as the phone call goes on and they process what you are explaining, or they may even follow up with another email or phone call.
• Don’t be surprised if they don’t like or agree with what you are saying. 
• Remind yourself that you are doing this for the good of the child, and therefore use language that reflects this. 

After the phone call

• Give yourself time to reflect and write up your notes. Don’t have another person at your door, waiting for the next meeting. That’s not fair on you or them. 
• Don’t take any comments that you receive personally. Parents will naturally defend their child.
• Go back to your colleague or line manager and talk it through afterwards if necessary.
• Don’t beat yourself up if you feel that it didn’t go well. Instead email, apologise and try to arrange a meeting with yourself and another member of staff so that you can all move forward. 
• Remind yourself that you are still doing it for the good of the child, which means that you may have to follow up and support them, the parent and sometimes other staff. 

And if you ever get the chance to shadow someone else making a call, take it - you will see that almost everyone struggles. 

Ceri Stokes is assistant head (designated safeguarding lead) at Kimbolton School in Cambridgeshire. She tweets @CeriStokes