Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger: so says the old adage. But when you’ve just had a phone call informing you that you didn’t get your dream teaching job, it can be hard to move straight to the “acceptance” part of the process, especially when what you’re actually feeling is a combination of anger, sadness and self-pity. 

But before you consider eating your body weight in brie, or questioning your vocation as a teacher, it’s worth remembering that pretty much everyone experiences rejection at some point, and while there may be no right or wrong way to feel, there are almost certainly helpful and unhelpful emotions and reactions.

For starters, tempting as it might be to end the conversation as quickly as possible, you should actually seize the chance to open a dialogue. It’s a tough ask when all you really want to do is go away and lick your wounds. But Mark O’Hagan, principal of King’s Leadership Academy, in Liverpool, is clear about the value of feedback - and on the further possibilities it can open up. 

“You should always ask for feedback. At King’s, one thing we are constantly on the lookout for is potential, and the ability to take on board feedback is vital to any member of staff being able to fulfil their potential.” 

Dealing with rejection

Julian Dutnall, headteacher at the Francis Bardsley Academy for Girls, in Essex, agrees: “I often think that you learn a huge amount from the way someone deals with rejection. The best reaction comes when someone asks for clear advice, thanks you for your time and remains positive. On several occasions, candidates have contacted me after feedback to say that they would be delighted if another opportunity arose and they would love to be kept in mind. Such relentless optimism is contagious.”

Of course, even if your mature and reflective approach doesn’t immediately lead that particular employer to reconsider or offer you a job in the future, it’s worth bearing in mind the value of going into your next interview armed with knowledge about some of the areas you need to work on. 

‘Ask for honest feedback’

Richard Bullard, headteacher of Combe Down Primary School, in Bath, explains. “No matter how much it might hurt, candidates should always ask for honest feedback. It can only help next time around,” he says. “Each situation presents opportunities to learn and improve by asking not only why you weren’t selected but also what you could have done better. Was it the lesson? Were you prepared enough for the types of question you were asked? Was it the right post for you in the school? Did you sell yourself well enough? A willingness to take advice on board is crucial even if you might not want to hear it.” 

In other words, what you learn about yourself in being rejected for one job might turn out to be the very thing that enables you to get the next one.

Sadly, not all schools are as good as those above at providing candidates with feedback (something Dutnall refers to as a “duty we have as employers to be as honest and helpful as we can”). Perhaps you’ve only been given vague reasons for your lack of success, or it is proving tricky to track down someone to speak to at the school afterwards. Without clear answers, it’s natural to start questioning almost everything, but being rejected from a job is not always evidence of something inherently lacking on your part. 

“It may not mean you are not a strong candidate but that the role or the school is not the correct fit for you,” says O’Hagan. “When looking for a job, it is very important that it is the correct fit for both employee and employer.”

Dutnall echoes these comments: “Remember, it’s not necessarily about you. Sometimes a combination of contextual factors means that you may not get the job, even if you have a huge amount to offer. So pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get ready for the next interview.”

When your confidence takes a knock

But what should you do when your experiences have knocked your confidence to such an extent that getting back on the job application horse is no longer appealing? 

Tina Radziszewicz is a UK Council for Psychotherapy accredited psychotherapist who has counselled many teachers and is also a qualified teacher herself. “It’s important to acknowledge how you really feel after a job rejection, whether that’s sad, angry, resentful - whatever comes up for you is OK. Burying your feelings is never healthy,” she says. 

But Tina is equally clear that it’s important to draw a line under these feelings in order to move on. “Try not to dwell on it for more than a day or you could find yourself becoming depressed. 

“It’s important to focus on the positives and what you’re offering, and put any thoughts about failing future interviews to the back of your mind. Negative self-talk, such as, ‘I’m underqualified for this’ or even, ‘Why on earth should they hire me?’ will seriously undermine you if you keep repeating such things to yourself. 

“It could bring about a self-fulfilling prophecy by sapping your confidence and influencing your performance for the worse.”

Instead, Tina recommends coming up with two or three short sentences that remind you of what you have to offer. 

“Use complimentary sentences from appraisals you’ve had or phrases such as, ‘I am a competent and knowledgeable teacher’. It may sound Pollyanna-ish, but it really works.”

‘We learn more from our failures’

The truth is that, as long as you don’t allow it to become a defining point, the experience of being rejected really could make you a better person. 

Dutnall explains: “While bruised egos can need rebuilding, there is a strong body of research that suggests that we learn more from our apparent failures than our successes.” 

So do we sometimes need to fail if we are to grow? Bullard certainly thinks so. 

“Everyone needs to experience failure in their lives in order to get better,” he says. “The person who gains great results then breezes into a job first time isn’t always best equipped to cope when the wheels come off at some stage - and, believe me, they will!” 

Perhaps we should all take comfort in the knowledge that failure often means that we are more likely to eventually succeed. 

Finally, if none of the above has managed to convince you that rejection is not always the worst thing in the world, don’t forget that the very people you are trying to convince to give you a job almost certainly have their own tales of past rejections. And the best of them will recall what it feels like. 

“My successful headship interview took place less than two weeks after a particularly challenging rejection from a panel that included someone who became the head of Ofsted, a multimillionaire hedge fund manager and someone who became chair of one of the biggest academy chains in the country,” recalls Dutnall.

“Because I reflected on why I was found wanting and addressed those weaknesses, I believe I was far better prepared for the next interview. And I feel more able to help others cope with their experiences of rejection because I have my own.”

Kate Townshend is a primary school teacher in Gloucestershire and freelance journalist