A new headteacher at a previous school had the habit of ending every meeting by giving each departing individual a discreet personal wink. 

His “wink management” approach then spread rapidly to the entire senior leadership team. Within a couple of terms, they were all at it. 

 As one former colleague put it, fresh out of a meeting with the new incumbent: “I went in there to push for my pay threshold but at the end it felt more like friggin’ Casablanca. Who does he think he is, Humphrey Bogart?” 

But although the wink may indeed sound outdated, I wonder if that gesture might now be set for a comeback as a headteacher management tool. 

Most of the other non-verbal options have (rightly) been lobbed out of the head’s study window - hugging, brawling, saluting and the like. Even the innocent handshake seems unlikely to make a complete comeback, now that it has been called out as a needless spreader of disease. 

The only real problem with the wink is that subordinates on the receiving end can sometimes misunderstand its meaning. To avoid undue embarrassment, both parties simply need to be aware of what the intention behind it probably is.

Headteacher management tool: How to interpret a wink?

So, for clarity’s sake, here’s a definitive guide to what a head’s wink is most likely to signify. 

Does that wink mean…

1. ...the head would like to have an affair with you?

Likelihood of it meaning this: very low

No disrespect intended to any wink recipients but the headteacher is far too preoccupied ever to be thinking on those lines. Even before the extra pressures of Covid, there’s no longer time in their week for any of that kind of nonsense. 

2. …the head has developed a nervous twitch? 

Likelihood of it meaning this: medium

Depends on how long they have been a headteacher. If they go back to Gove and beyond, then the wink could simply have emerged as a result of years of blinkered government decree, budget crises, staff shortages, looming Ofsted visits, plus all the other stresses and strains of the job. 

3. …the head models themselves on Nicole Kidman? As in Nicole Kidman, the courtesan with the famously wicked wink in Moulin Rouge?

Likelihood of it meaning this: very low in most cases. 

It seems a highly unlikely role-model for your head to be following. Though if he or she can carry it off, full credit to them.

4. …the head wishes you to leave the room right now? 

Likelihood of it meaning this: low 

While in some parts of the world, a leader’s discreet wink is reserved for any people (children usually) who have outstayed their welcome, “wink murder management” seems a step too far. 

5: …that those rather severe words were really just aimed at the other saps present? 

Likelihood of it meaning this: low. 

The words of admonishment in that meeting probably applied as much to you as to anyone else there. Everyone there will probably be treated to that same secret wink on departure. 

6. …anything and everything? 

Likelihood of it meaning this: high

It’s more than likely that even the headteacher has no specific reason for habitually winking at you. They just know that it’s something positive to end a meeting with, and that recipients can choose to interpret it in whichever way they prefer, from any of the above options. 

That’s the beauty of the wink as a management tool, and why it’s surely the most effective gesture out there. 

Stephen Petty is head of humanities at Lord Williams’s School in Thame, Oxfordshire