What is the one quality that all teachers seem to have? Empathy? Compassion? Fairness? Perhaps. But for me, the one quality I see in every teacher is both our greatest strength and our greatest flaw: selflessness. 

Selflessness is an admirable quality but a lack of selfishness is a curse: we forgo having lunch together in order to help a student with their homework, we stay late at work to talk a colleague through a problem, we carry a box of books home to mark that night because a class ask desperately how they did in an assessment. 

All of these actions may be admirable but they are not always sustainable. 

After all, when we consider teacher wellbeing one of the key issues can be excessive workload - something that can often be caused by an unwillingness to say no and recognise that we have our limits.

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I know this because I am the worst possible person for creating an excessive workload and not ensuring balance, through no one else’s fault but my own.

I realised this during my work on teacher-assessed grades. It served as a catalyst for taking a serious look at myself and considering how I can improve my workload.

In a week where I faced endless moderation and stacks of paperwork, I decided to simply get through it myself. Naive? Certainly. Stupid? Definitely. 

The workload was ridiculous. I felt like I was drowning, so I assumed everyone else was too. No one was able to throw me a lifebelt because they, too, were drowning in exam papers and to-do lists.

Of course, I was wrong. I passed on some papers to an examiner - a teacher not currently teaching Year 11. Her response? “Send more my way, I’m not marking anything at the moment!” I could have cried. 

I spoke to my line manager, fearing I would not get everything done in time. His response? “What do you need? Is the deadline OK? Do you need some cover? More time?” Again, I could have cried. 

In our desire to be selfless, we often forget that others are, too; that others are more than willing to help when and if they can.

The truth is, I will also help anyone else - I put my work off to help them, they put their work off to help someone else, and we all end up in a perpetual cycle of supporting each other. If everyone is helping everyone else stay afloat, no one is going to drown.

However, sometimes we all need to learn to say no, ask for help and realise when something is becoming a burden and we need support. In short, we need to get a bit more “selfish”.

Here are three ways we can do that (without becoming unlikeable in the process, of course).

Ask if you can think about it

Before you agree to something when you know you have a lot to do, ask for some time to think about it.

I know we can all struggle to say no, so I sometimes say: “Can I get back to you on that with a timeframe?” so I am able to go away and consider when it will be possible to get it done properly.

People would rather a job is done properly with an honest timescale than a rushed job.

Seek out the experts

At every stage of your career, you should find experts around you that you can go to for advice. Consider who you can go to for support about a piece of marking, who might look at something quickly and give you advice.

Plan for someone you can speak to about the time you have available to you, and when you need more time - and, crucially, make sure it’s someone who can do something about it!

Also, think about who you can go to for certain types of advice - I know exactly who I need to go to when I need a strategic, practical response and who to go to when I need kindness and compassion.

Ask for help

Finally, but most importantly, ask for help. Think about how readily you would offer people help if you could and how quickly you would agree to support someone else.

The likelihood is that there are a lot of people around you who would do the same for you and would derive pleasure from being asked. In reality, none of this is about being selfish, it’s about ensuring we’re not overwhelmed and recognising that we don’t have to do it all alone - we’re in this together.

Laura Webb is head of English at Churchdown School Academy