It’s the end of a busy day. An overstretched middle leader breathes a sigh of relief as the bell rings and 11B leave her classroom. Then she remembers the drop-ins she carried out earlier, to assess whether key routines were being used well by her team. One member hadn’t been adhering to aspects of the behaviour policy. So now, the middle leader knows that she needs to have a candid conversation.

I’ve been in this situation many times and it can be tempting to ignore the issue and hope that things will be better next time.

But in any leadership role, there will be times when you need to get problems out in the open. It may be uncomfortable and awkward, but accountability and honest communication have to be cornerstones of any organisation. Just as we have high expectations for the students we teach, we must have similarly high expectations for staff - and ensure that these are understood.

I recently finished reading Radical Candor by Kim Scott, and found that her blueprint for leadership has a lot to offer school leaders. Through her manifesto of “care personally, challenge directly”, she illustrates how accountability should be about the mind and the heart: to challenge when needed but always from a foundation of compassion.

There are several ways that leaders can get it wrong when it comes to these kinds of conversations. Scott offers a framework to help us understand this, explaining the traps that leaders are prone to fall into.

The first is “ruinous empathy”, where leaders want to avoid any sort of confrontation or tension, and therefore never challenge poor standards. This is a trap I have fallen into, wanting to avoid awkward or difficult conversations, and any potential damage to relationships.

This is not only dangerous for the outcomes of the organisation, it also means that staff don’t get the chance to grow and develop. How can we be expected to improve if we aren’t guided to these areas of improvement?

The second trap is “obnoxious aggression” ; leaders who forget to care personally and instead lead through fear, humiliation and bullying, resulting in toxic workplaces.

The third is “manipulative insincerity”, through which leaders praise staff while failing to care or challenge, because of a focus on their own personal gain or political advantage. Again, this leads to unpleasant working environments and relationships.

Tips to help school leaders give helpful, honest feedback

So, how can school leaders ensure that we don’t fall into these traps and instead offer helpful, honest feedback?

1. Show you care

Radical candour starts with the building of good relationships through mutual trust and respect. This requires, as Scott sums it up, leaders who “give a damn”. You need to know and understand your colleagues and their motivations. Take time to notice people, say thank you and show genuine kindness.

This could mean showing an interest in their new hobby or asking after their family. On a practical level, it might mean that when you have line management meetings, you start by asking staff how they are and give them your full attention throughout. Or it might mean that when you set deadlines, you care enough to give colleagues the time and space to meet them.

Show your staff that you are invested in them as people and that they matter. Then, when you do have difficult conversations, it will be about the work and not the person.

2. Ask for feedback

Good feedback and guidance should not be one-way. It will probably be uncomfortable but it’s important that leaders aren’t afraid to ask colleagues what they could be doing better. It may be easy to carry on regardless but actually stopping to ask your team what you are doing well and what you aren’t will make you a better leader in the long run.

Listen to their responses and don’t reply by criticising the criticisms. It may sting a little but, when both parties are held accountable, relationships and outcomes improve. If you can model asking for and acting on feedback regularly, then giving it to your team becomes a bit more natural.

3. Challenge directly

When you have to give difficult feedback, make sure you do it in person and invest the time in making it clear.

Scott has advice on how to structure this kind of feedback to ensure it is most helpful: begin with the situation (what did you see?), then move on to the behaviour (what did the person do, good or bad?) and then, finally, explore the impact (what were the results?).

This, again, helps to avoid any criticism coming across as a personal attack and ensures the feedback is given humbly.

4. Don’t store up feedback

Waiting too long to have such conversations, or storing them up for formal performance management meetings, can make them all the more difficult. Not only do you risk your message being confused but it can also lead to frustrations building up.

You wouldn’t just brush your teeth twice a year before a dentist appointment, and Scott reminds us that offering guidance and feedback should, likewise, be part of everyday life.

Unspoken criticism can lead to resentment and escalation of situations that could have been nipped in the bud much earlier.

5. Be reflective

Every leader, no matter their experience, makes mistakes. Be honest about these, taking feedback on board. Communicating your own failures when the situation is right can be powerful in building relationships and ensuring feedback is well-received.

Colleagues will be much more likely to act on your guidance if they see you doing the same when things go wrong for you. Be open about the fact that you are learning, too.

There’s no doubt that being candid with colleagues is one of the hardest parts of any leader’s job, but if we do it from the basis of compassion that Kim Scott outlines so well, both parties in the conversation can gain from it and ultimately work better together.

Rachel Ball is assistant principal in charge of teaching and learning at Co-op Academy Walkden in Salford

This article originally appeared in the 29 January 2021 issue under the headline “Frankly, my dear leader, you must give a damn”