Two years ago, as the world grappled with the first wave of the coronavirus pandemic, a new law came into force called Jack’s Law. 

This law, termed The Parental Bereavement Leave and Pay Regulations 2020 in official parlance, entitles employed parents who lose a child under 18, or whose baby is stillborn from 24 weeks of pregnancy, to two weeks of paid leave. 

Having time away from work after the loss of a child, without the added stress of losing wages, is something that most people would agree is a necessity. 

Yet it took a decade of campaigning from Lucy Herd, who lost her son, Jack Herd, at 23 months, to get this new law on the statute books. “I had to ensure no other bereaved person was told they couldn’t take time off,” she told the BBC in 2020. 

It’s a step in the right direction, but Herd’s fight continues: she wants the law to cover all family members, not just parents. 

A tough reality

The fact these fights are needed at all may shock someone who would find it hard to imagine any employer forcing a bereaved employee back to work - whether they have lost a child, partner or close family member.

However, Carole Henderson, an international grief expert, says this is the reality for many people, and that schools are no exception. 

“For those not included under Jack’s Law, the leave is very much dependent on their employers. After the three days of statutory leave, they may get compassionate leave but this doesn’t have to be paid,” she explains. 

“I have found that most schools have woefully inadequate and ill-thought-through approaches at the moment. Many school boards talk about what they would do in a situation but logistics often get in the way.” 

Giving people paid time off is tough in the current situation, she acknowledges that “everyone is exhausted and running on emotional empty”, but, as the nation mourns those lost during the pandemic, perhaps it’s time to have conversations about both bereavement leave, and support in school once educators do return to work. 

The impact of grief

Why is this so important? 

Well, anyone who has been affected by grief will be well aware of the mental and physical toll that it can take, as Dr Lisa Shulman, a neurologist at the University of Maryland and author of a book about the psychological and physiological effects of grief entitled Before and After Loss: A Neurologist’s Perspective on Loss, Grief, and Our Brain, outlines.

“The brain is agnostic to the type of loss that has occurred,” she says. “There isn’t a particular pathway or region in the brain that manages the loss of one’s spouse or parent or, God forbid, a child, versus let’s say, living through the unique threat of the pandemic or experiencing serious illness.

“There’s only one way that the brain responds to a threat, and this is the fight or flight mode”.

So what does this mean for our bodies, and minds, as we respond to bereavement?
 
In the short term, Shulman explains, the body is flooded by stress hormones: “This involves a huge surge of hyper-vigilance so that your eyes and ears are peeled to respond. The respiratory and heart rates speed up in order to deliver more blood to the muscles and other body organs so that you can run or fight if need be.” 

The mind also blocks periphery thoughts so that you are focussed solely on one task - survival. 

In a situation of physical threat, the threat ultimately subsides but, for the bereaved, there will be constant triggers sending their body back into stress mode. 

Some will be obvious - a song, a conversation or a photograph - but others, explains Shulman, can catch them unaware. The results can include an inability to multitask or concentrate, a racing heart, a constant feeling of stress and exhaustion.
 
In the long term, she explains, this brings about a “rewiring” of the brain. 

“Based on the fact that this is happening over and over - through days, weeks and months - the parts of the brain that are more involved in that fight or flight reaction become strengthened. 

“This is neuroplasticity and it’s actually a very basic thing. When our daily experiences are dramatically changed by catastrophe, our brain circuitry is remodelled and rewired in response to these new experiences.”

It is the “emotional brain” that is strengthened. 

The “advanced brain”, however, is weakened; this is a problem. 

Unable to switch off

Why? Well, the advanced brain is what calms us down, she says. Without that calming reaction, it can feel like you’re living under siege, which makes functioning every day very difficult. 

“There’s this incredible disconnect between your mental awareness and your body’s reaction to the whole situation, which is very frightening. You might feel suddenly like you’ve got to get out of there, you can’t control yourself and you don’t even know why,” she adds. 
 
The stress hormones constantly coursing through the body can also result in the heart beating in an arrhythmic fashion. “Broken heart syndrome is a real thing,” Shulmer says. 

“In some situations, symptoms can occur that are very similar, if not identical, to a heart attack, and in some cases, an actual heart attack may result.”

What’s more, the long-term mental impact of grief is something that has also been added to the much-cited Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders in America, under the term “prolonged grief disorder” in recognition of the long-term mental impact of grief, as recently reported by Psychiatric News.

Clearly, then, the mental and physical effects of grief can be hugely debilitating and, as Shulmer demonstrates, can severely impact one’s ability to do their job effectively. 

In the education context, it is easy to see how this could have a damaging impact on not just a teacher, but their pupils and, as a result, the school too.

So what should schools be doing to support bereaved staff? Should they be given more time away from the workplace? Or is it about support when they are back in work?

The need to talk

The key is communication, says Henderson.

“Ask your bereaved colleague what they want to share and what they don’t. They need to be able to say what’s in their heart. Make sure you’re always available for a chat and make others aware of the situation.”

That includes students, she says: if a teacher is absent, and is happy to share why, then children are far less likely to be anxious if they are told the truth. 

Gemma Scotcher is the head of communications and public affairs at Education Support, a mental health charity for teachers, and she says that, as well as communicating effectively to staff and students, schools need to create a culture of openness, and one in which mental health and wellbeing are prioritised.

“You need to create a setting where it’s okay to just pull your line manager to one side and say, ‘Actually, I’ve experienced a bereavement; it’s having this impact on me, and I just needed you to be aware’,” she says.

Laura Toop, a grief and loss specialist, agrees. “The simplest way you can help someone is giving them the gift of space where their voice can be heard, without fear, judgement or criticism, but with love, kindness and compassion, so they can connect with the world once more and, most importantly, themselves again,” she says. 

Where possible, adjustments should be made, adds Toop. Some people may need some of their workload reallocated, others may need tasks broken down into smaller chunks, but she stresses that there is no single solution, as every situation is unique and fluid. 

Here Henderson agrees: “[Leaders should] recognise that nothing is set in stone, and it will change hourly. You should treat a griever like you would someone who has had an illness diagnosed. They need to adjust.”

Being present

Leaders, understandably, may be worried about saying or doing the wrong thing when it comes to supporting staff. Toop says they should avoid making comparisons to their own grief, and acknowledge that there will never be enough right words to say. 

“Too often, people avoid a conversation altogether, or worse still ‘cross the road’. There will never be the right words to say, so perhaps try: ‘I cannot begin to imagine what you’re going through right now’ or ‘I have no words, I can but share my love with you right now’,” she says. 
 
“If it is a personal loss that has created grief for an individual, don’t forget to mention that person’s name, and if you don’t know it, ask for it. 

“Too often the person who has died is not named in conversation, which can feel incredibly isolating for the person grieving, and serves only to heighten the sense of loss already being experienced.” 

None of this is easy and expecting staff to be able to do this naturally is unrealistic, which is why Scotcher says offering training for staff is essential: “If line managers don’t feel confident supporting team members, there is a lot of great training and free resources available. 

“At the very least, equip yourself with the best language to use so colleagues feel supported and heard,” she says. 

And support needs to continue long after the compassionate leave is over, says Toop: “Grieving does continue, and may do so for some considerable time, perhaps even years, as an individual re-establishes themselves again. 

“Organisations need to have a greater understanding of this, and extend support, such as grief coaching and counselling, beyond the immediate term.” 

Overall, Henderson says, although this is an area that schools have got better at approaching, it is clear it is a topic that still requires a great deal more focus: “I am encouraged by the progress but we still hear too many complaints about how schools handle things.

“There is work still to do.”

Katie Scott is a freelance journalist who has been writing for more than 20 years. She is a former news editor of Wired.co.uk