Have you seen that new Netflix show yet? No, not that one, the other one. 

It’s called Maid and if you haven’t seen it, you really must. Based on the bestselling memoir by Stephanie Land, it tells of a young mother (and aspiring writer) desperately trying to make ends meet and create a safe space for her daughter amid the chaos of ending a coercive relationship. Throw in a succession of horrendous cleaning jobs, no support network and an undiagnosed bipolar mother and you have 10 episodes of gripping, compulsive viewing - and a masterclass in resilience.

We talk a lot about resilience in schools these days. As the route to a new, post-pandemic normal emerges, rhetoric in schools is all about resilience. Learning lessons, bouncing back and hurtling towards a better future has become the priority for school communities - and rightly so, because what other choice is there? There is no going back, but to go forward will take determination and resilience.

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But what really is resilience? In Maid, we see a young woman fall then wearily rise, again and again, dusting off the latest trauma to befall her little family and repeatedly pushing forward. What we also see is the impact of all that falling and rising - because getting back up is really, really hard.

There is in fact a very fine line between resilience and the shocked exhaustion associated with burnout. And it is a tricky old business because the latter tends to masquerade as the former. What looks like determination and a dogged desire to not give up can actually be a symptom of being scraped clean of energy and inspiration, an ability to bob back up to the surface because you simply don’t know what else to do. 

A phrase I have heard a lot recently is that we must “keep on keeping on”. While the conviction might be admirable, there is a terrible danger when we confuse keeping going with being resilient. Because they are not the same thing. Pushing forward because you don’t know what else to do or are too exhausted, traumatised or depressed to stop is not the same as being resilient. People at their lowest ebb often keep going, or at least appear to on the surface. 

Being resilient is a different beast entirely. It means taking stock, acknowledging where you are, deciding what to do next and then doing it - then taking stock again.

A resilient journey drawn on a map might look like a squiggly line, full of pit stops, redirections, loop the loops and cul de sacs, eventually moving towards a planned-for destination. A journey based around a mantra of just not giving up is a straight line to nowhere, a furrow that gets deeper and more laboured with every painful step. 

Teaching children to be resilient is a core part of learning and of life. Being able to keep going when things are tough is essential: it is the keystone for a happy and fulfilling life.

But being resilient is about much more than simply not giving up. Indeed, sometimes giving up is the most resilient thing you can do. If during one of your regular stock takes you realise that your current path is doing more harm than good, throwing in the towel can absolutely be the best option. Rerouting towards something healthier and happier is always better than ploughing forward into grey misery.

In Maid, what allows the main character to eventually move forward is not how many times she gets back up and keeps going. Instead, it is her gradual acknowledgement that she has been hurt and the impact this has had on her. She slowly accepts help and learns to trust a few precious people who help her see and reflect on what she has experienced. It is from this more stable base that she reroutes, plans a new future for herself and her daughter and says goodbye to what went before.

Ultimately, it is the very act of giving up that enables her to not give up. And this is the real lesson about resilience.

All in all, it’s not a bad message for a Netflix series to leave you with - and there’s not a squid in sight.

Susan Ward is headteacher at Kingsland Primary School in Peebles, in the Scottish Borders. She tweets @susanward30