Parents have busy lives. That’s the first thing a teacher needs to remember when faced with a parent who is angry, upset, and possibly shouting in their general direction.

If they have come to talk to you, that can be a stressor in itself - not just because they have something important to say that may be upsetting them or angering them, but because for some parents being in and around the school environment can be a source of anxiety.  

They then may have had a day of constant antagonism, one of those days where nothing goes right (yes, you have probably had one, too). 

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So, when that parent is in front of us, we need to take a moment to consider what may have led them to come into school in the first place.

They may be worried about their child being bullied and feel that insufficient action is being taken. Perhaps they have received phone calls from four different members of staff in one day regarding their child’s behaviour, and are feeling frustrated and concerned.

Maybe they are angry that their child has been excluded for infringing on uniform rules, which they don’t consider important. Perhaps their child has said that they are being treated unfairly by staff.

Any one of these situations - and countless others - can mean getting caught with a frustrated, argumentative parent. So what should you do if you find yourself in that situation?

1. Take the audience away

First off, offer an area to talk where it’s quiet. This removes you from a potential audience, which may add to the tension and drama of the situation.

2. Listen

Sometimes a parent just needs to get something off their chest. If you have time for it, let them.

I found this a lot when I was working as a Senco; these parents weren’t angry at me, they just wanted to be heard, to have their views respected and for a suitable resolution found. They were trying to get the best for their children in the best way they knew how, and it was my job to facilitate this.

If you don’t have time at that particular moment, tell them you absolutely appreciate their frustration and ask if you can arrange a time to meet when you can give the issue your full attention.

3. Pick your battles

Sometimes it isn’t about being right (even if you are), instead, it’s about deciding whether it’s worth the battle.

You will need to work with this parent for the rest of the year (or possibly even longer if their child has siblings), so it may be worth working to maintain the bridge they are trying to burn, even if that means being more passive than you would ideally like.

4. Breathe

The parent may be trying to get a rise out of you. If so, do what you tell students to do: don’t get angry and give them the satisfaction, just remove yourself from the situation.

Step away from the angry email. Tell them you will have to return the call later. Explain that you are needed inside for a meeting, but can continue the conversation another time.

If you leave the scenario, just be sure to follow up another time.

5. Get support

Some situations will escalate no matter what you do, so don’t be afraid to ask for support from senior leadership. Tell the parent that you’re not fully equipped to help with the scenario and will bring in someone who will hopefully be able to get you to a positive solution.

6. Watch your words

Be mindful of what you say; once something it is out, you can’t take it back. Try to keep your words positive. You are both adults, and you are more than capable of demonstrating what a great, respectful, inclusive and listening teacher that you are, even in those moments when it feels difficult.

Nikki Cunningham-Smith is an assistant headteacher in Gloucestershire