You may think that negotiating with the Taliban and making Marcus in your Year 2 class put his socks on require very different skills. Not so, says Richard Mullender: the process is essentially the same.
As one of the world’s leading hostage negotiators, Mullender has negotiated with terror groups, dealt face-to-face with slippery career criminals and he’s also taught negotiation tactics to organisations such as the FBI and the secret service in India.
Although the connection between dealing with children and dealing with criminals or terror groups may at first glance sound tenuous, Mullender - who was lead trainer at the Hostage and Crisis Negotiation Unit at Scotland Yard, training hostage negotiators across the UK - believes these interactions rely on the same skill set. Namely: the art of listening.
When he trains someone how to negotiate, one of the first things he teaches people to do is to listen.
“The problem is that most people don’t really know what listening is,” says Mullender. “If you ask someone to teach you how to listen, just see what happens. They might say ‘keep eye contact’, but that’s looking. They might say ‘ask questions’, but that’s talking. They might say ‘summarise back what someone has just told you’, but that’s talking again.”
According to Mullender the definition is the “identification, selection and interpretation of key words that allow you to move information into intelligence”.
After that, there is a process to follow that every teacher can employ to make even the most difficult child buy into a workable solution for all.
Steps to negotiating with students
1. Preparation and planning
Mullender says this is a constant before each interaction. You have to work out how you are going to approach the conversation - write it down.
2. First meeting
In the first interaction you have to build trust and get the child to like you. The aim of the first meeting is to get a second meeting.
3. Investigate
This is the discovery phase. You have to find out - “investigate” - what the problem is and why it has had the impact it has had on them. “You need to find out the emotions the kids are feeling and why they feel that way,” he says.
4. The proposal
You need to come up with a solution that is acceptable to you and to the child. You also need to work out how you are going to sell the solution to the child so that they accept it.
5. Possible counter proposal
Having heard your solution the child might say they can’t do x or y, but they can do z.
6. Bargaining
This is where the negotiation begins. Ask the child what solution they think would work best. “Then they will buy into that plan because they have actually put the proposal forward,” says Mullender.
7. Review
Having come up with a solution that’s acceptable to all parties you need to constantly monitor it and make sure it is working.
This article is adapted from a version published in the 26 October issue of Tes. To read it in full, you can pick up a copy of the magazine at all good newsagents or subscribe to read online.
