Fresh from detailing the A-Z of lockdown pupil learning styles, it seemed handy to outline the wider ways in which teachers have experienced lockdown, again turning to our trusted friend, the alphabet, for guidance.
Coronavirus: The A to Z of teachers in lockdown
A is for Assessments
No part of a teacher’s job is more intense, pressurised and scrutinised than assessments (especially exams). Imagine our shock when they disappeared overnight.
B is for Boris Briefings
Those 5pm rituals may have been ended now, but for three months they were a strange staple of daily life, often leading to much bewilderment and head-scratching for us teachers.
C is for Commuting
Once upon a time, commuting could involve windscreen scraping, traffic delays, parking dilemmas; all manner of minor aggravations. Now it involves a) going downstairs, b)getting a coffee and c) switching on the computer. Lockdown win.
D is for Dreaming
Your uneasy subconscious makes its presence felt at night, when you’ve been experiencing the kind of back-to-school nightmares that only usually kick in during late August (the kind where you can’t find your classroom because the school is now a dystopian chemical plant, or you have to save your students from being chased by werewolves).
E is for Evenings
You have free time on week nights. Life-changing.
F is for Facebook, etc
When you haven’t seen colleagues for weeks, social media is your friend. Just don’t get distracted all day deciding your top 10 1980s’ movies or trying to figure out those emoji quizzes.
G is for Google Forms
Quite cool when they work, but they have mystical rules and laws that defy all logic. Approach with caution when setting lessons unless you want a notification from every student in the class.
H is for health and safety
Did you think health and safety in the workplace was all getting a bit involved? Well, now you’re doing a risk assessment for working from home. Hopefully, you have a document holder at eye level and you know where your plasters are kept.
I is for Inner Friar Lawrence
Learn to cultivate your inner Friar Lawrence. “Thou still hast toilet paper. There art thou happy. Thou art not experiencing Covid-related symptoms. There art thou happy. Thou hast a Click & Collect slot on Thursday. There art thou happy,” etc.
J is for Jogging Bottoms
Sporting an old pair of trackpants with a bit of elastic showing this week? Don’t worry, so is everybody else.
K is for Key Worker
You are one of these! (It only really feels like it when you actually go into work though).
L is for Leadership/Logistics
It’s one thing to announce that schools are to reopen; quite another to get a tape measure and a spreadsheet and start trying to get your head around how exactly to do that while keeping everyone safe.
M is for Makeover
Sporting a crackpot lockdown barnet? Don’t worry, so is everybody else. Enjoy comparing them when you go back.
N is for Notifications
For the love of all that is good and pure, switch them off. Otherwise you’re looking at a gazillion emails a day, minimum.
O is for Online Marking
Plus side: less cumbersome than a pile of books; can be enlightening. Downside: can also feel like groundhog day.
P is for Petrol
This used to cost you a lot of money. Now that your car is out there somewhere under a mass of spider webs because you’re not allowed to go anywhere, it seems much less essential.
Q is for Queues
Queueing for lunch is now a thing of the past! You’re at home in your own kitchen, with your own appliances: the lunch possibilities are endless! All the sachet cup soups you bought before lockdown (because they’re so handy for work) are now right at the back of the cupboard.
R is for Role Play
If, after weeks on end of staring at the same computer screen all day, you were to start pretending to yourself that you were (say) a hacker in a spy thriller or a maverick cop on the trail of key evidence, nobody could blame you, right?
S is for Singalong while you work
The idea of singing aloud at 10am mid-lesson would have seen you struck off or certified in the old days. Now, any time is fair game for a quick sing-along with the radio (except during meetings, of course).
T is for Training Day Regrets
More notes and fewer doodles when IT went over the online learning platform in September would have saved you a fair few frantic emails to them in March. Just sayin’.
U is for Uncomfortable Working Positions
You used to like your home office chair when you were working in the evenings. Now you’ve been there all day, every day, for weeks, you ache in all kinds of unexpected places and you’ve started to hate it. This leads us nicely to:
V is for Varied Workspaces
The kitchen table, the sofa, the garden, the top of the stairs -variety is the spice of life! Also on the list if you get really desperate: the car, the bathtub, a tent in the garden.
W is for Windows
In the absence of actual real-life work chat, the view from your window has become your distraction of choice. You now recognise all the garden birds and you have started keeping a tally of all the Amazon deliveries to number 12.
X is for Xtra work requests
“Hi, just wondered if little Trevor could have some more challenging work set? He’s finished everything each day by 9.15am!” Closer inspection reveals that half of Trevor’s existing work has, in fact, not been done properly at all.
Y is for Yearning for Normality
Turns out you didn’t know what leavers’ assemblies, sports days, chats with kids and colleagues, birthday biscuits, proms, canteen wraps, getting called “mum” by mistake, proper farewells to colleagues who are leaving/retiring, or getting the chance to actually explain work properly and see the lights come on really meant to you - until it all went away.
Z is for Zoom
Zoom makes meetings a lot more exciting as you get the entertainment of nosing at colleagues’ interior decorating choices and trying to guess how many of the other people on the call are in their pyjama bottoms and bunny slippers.
Melissa Gadsden has been teaching English in Northamptonshire for 20 years
