I was so excited for this week - being back in college for the first time in 175 days, seeing all my classmates and lecturers again, and - weird as it may sound - just being sat in a classroom. I’m loving it, but the way we’re doing it leaves me with a big concern: I’m not going to be back for long.

Back in June, when there were talks of possibly going in for a day or two, everyone involved in my education raised concerns about me coming in: I make no secret that I’m a student with SEND, and ultimately in the vulnerable group for Covid-19. The guidance back in June said that I should follow stringent social distancing, hand washing, etc - advice that is yet to be revoked. I was therefore understandably slightly anxious about a return to the classroom this month: everyone knows that social distancing realistically isn’t possible in an educational institute. It would also be the first time that I’ve been in a room with so many people.

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Preparing for the measures in place

I make a hobby out of keeping up with all the latest rules, regulations and guidelines - especially when they’re late at night or on sunny Saturday afternoons. So there were a few things that I was prepared for: face masks in corridors, being in a bubble and not being able to share equipment.

What I wasn’t prepared for was to learn that my course would be delivered on-site full time, rather than a blended learning approach; that we would be allowed to wear face coverings, but only college-branded ones; that our two tutor groups had been merged into one class of 36. That’s not a typo - that’s 36 people in one classroom. Following the same timetable. 36 people with one tutor, one lecturer at any one time.

The college soon realised that one face covering to last a week isn’t going to work. So, we’ve been issued a visor as well, which I must say I prefer as it is far less likely to mist up my glasses. We must wear either the covering or the visor at all times in shared spaces, or classrooms. That makes me feel Covid-secure; a big tick. My bubble room has desks spaced out a bit like an exam hall - so again, you feel Covid-secure. But my room is in a new building, where they don’t allow food and drink. So we have also been given sit-in use of the canteen. We sit around one table together, without coverings or visors. And we’re eating, so droplets could spread easily. All of a sudden, everything else feels like a waste of time.

I feel really fortunate that my friends and lecturers all seem to be taking this seriously but I know that’s not the case everywhere. Walking down the corridor, I heard one lecturer announce to their class: “OK then everyone, mask off now you’re sat down!” Thank goodness that isn’t my teacher, or my class.

I’ll be honest, I don’t feel comfortable being back in college full time - if I were perfectly healthy, I would perhaps share the view of someone I overheard in the classroom: “Real men don’t worry about Corona. They just get on with life.” Well, Fred, I like my life, so I’d like to not get Corona and have it end early. As much as it’s great to be back in college, and the fear of missing out is real, the national picture makes me feel that, for now, I should work remotely part of the time. I’ve hit a stumbling block, though: the guidance says all-students to be on-site full time, and the risk assessments say that the college is Covid-secure. So it looks like I can’t.

This column feels pretty damning, as though I’m unaware or not grateful for the work of colleges and my teachers. Let’s be clear: I am. None of this is a personal attack on any one person or organisation. And I really can’t explain how good it feels to be getting back to normal. But my number one wish is to make sure that what I’m doing is safe and sustainable - and right now, it doesn’t feel like it’ll last a month, let alone a year.

Alfie Payne is a media student from Hampshire