Eating has always been a tricky issue for women and girls. We’re constantly bombarded with diets that promise to change our bodies if we simply ban this, eat that, and stay thin.

And the age of social media has only made things worse.

One student recently told me about her relationship with food and Instagram.

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She said she got more likes for a bowl of blueberries that she made herself eat, than for a picture of what her mum made her eat.

The less there is in the bowl, she explained, the more likes she gets.

She showed me one of 10 blueberries that had 910 likes, while a picture of banana, blueberries and some yogurt only had four.

Instagram dangers

She went on to tell me that her school peers don’t get her, but her friends on the internet understand how she really feels. They see what she sees.

So much so, in fact, that she has set up a different account under a fake name that no one knows about.

There she can really be herself, she said. She showed me the Instagram group, which had images of thigh gaps, skeletal torsos and famous people who had obviously been photoshopped.

There were also images of drinks or food, normally tagged as “healthy” or described as flushing out impurities, such as hot water with lemon in it. A mint leaf was recommended for helping with hunger pains.  

Reading through the comments on her pictures, I realised my student was right; her online friends do understand exactly how she feels and they are very supportive. But what is it that they are supporting?  

When I started to question the comments, she shut down. She said she had been part of this community for two years and it had helped her through difficult periods in her life.

They are available 24/7 - either because they are based in other countries or because they don’t sleep well - so she never feels alone. At school, she said, she feels that way all the time.

Ongoing isolation

Luckily, she is now getting help with her eating issues. But this will take some time and she is still very isolated at school.

She doesn’t trust many staff and her friends don’t know what to do. They want to be there, but they worry they will make things worse or put their foot in it.

They now like every photo of hers on Instagram, no matter what it is, as they think it will help with her self worth. But she now worries that they have talked about this behind her back and could be laughing at her.

I know it’s been said before, but the pressures teenagers are under today thanks to social media are a world away from what we experienced as children. I’m not sure we realise quite how much children are influenced by strangers online.

And yet we have probably all felt like this, too. I am hoping that people will like this blog post and I will check my account every other day.

Does this affect my self worth? I would love to say no, that I am confident enough, but on a bad day…

Ceri Stokes is assistant head (DSL) at Kimbolton School in Cambridgeshire. She tweets @CeriStokes