Here we are, on the cusp of another new school year, and no doubt the repetition of hundreds of assemblies across the land about the second chance to make new year resolutions. But if we’re honest, as teachers, we probably all made great promises to ourselves just six weeks ago. This weekend is the time we realise that, as ever, they’ve failed to materialise. And the chances are, we all had the same sorts of plans:

1. ‘This year I’m going to clear the shed/garage/loft/spare room’

That was definitely the plan. Every time you hid another box in there because guests were coming round, you promised yourself that this summer you’d have plenty of time to sort it all out. It’d just take a day, with a trip to the charity shop, and who knows, maybe you’d even make a few quid from eBay - if you had any idea how to use it. At the very least, you’d end up with a beautifully cleared space.

Reality: Three more boxes of school stuff that you shoved in there at the end of term are still blocking the door. Perhaps you’ll get it done at October half term?

2. ‘It’s finally a chance to catch up with friends’

Former colleagues, old school friends, even the person in the classroom next door: the plan was to catch up over coffee during the summer. In fact, if you’d maintained every plan to send someone a text and arrange to go out, you’d have probably spent most days this holiday in cafés.

Reality: You’ve bumped into at least three more people over the holiday and made the same promise to get in touch to make arrangements to meet up… and singularly failed to meet any of them. It’s as much as you can do to face the parcel delivery man.

3. The new you in the kitchen

It’s so hard to be creative during term time with everything else that time demands, but during the holidays: that’s when you’ll release your inner Gordon Ramsay. Maybe it’s something you saw on MasterChef that time (“I could make that”, you persuade yourself), or that Eastern cuisine recipe book that you’ve had on the shelf since university? This summer is going to be the time you perfect the ideal menu for when you invite all those friends round for a catch-up.

Reality: The jar of dried kaffir lime leaves has been added to the cupboard, unopened.

4. Autumn term planning

The plan is simple: work hard for the first couple of weeks of the holidays to get all the planning for next term done well in advance. You’re in the zone, you’ve already got great ideas about what you’re going to change, and it’ll be fantastic to relax and enjoy the rest of the holidays knowing that you’re all set for September.

Reality: it’s the weekend before we go back, and you’ve no idea what you’re doing past Tuesday!

5. Reading all the books

You’re an educated sort. You read. It’s just hard in term time. But this summer you’re finally going to get round to all those books on your Kindle so you can join in with the conversations that always sound so erudite. Maybe you’ll even pick up a few classics. A few nice days, a drink in the garden and you’ll be well-read again. Maybe you’ll even get into the habit and keep it up during September?

Reality: one new Penguin Classic on the bookshelf and the closest you’ve come to a literary experience is watching an episode of Murder, She Wrote.

Ah well… there’s always next summer.

Michael Tidd is headteacher at Medmerry Primary School in West Sussex. He tweets as @MichaelT1979