I have been following the “discussion” about grading this year and share the concerns about teachers getting it wrong. With every well-intentioned instruction issued, the hole into which the profession is being dug just gets deeper and deeper.
We would have expected that the timely release of detailed guidance - just before most schools go on their Easter break - would have provided much-needed clarity. If only! Twitter discussion reflects ongoing confusion.
I’ve come to the conclusion that this is not the job for teachers, after all. What we really need is to gather expert grade-award panels that can meet behind closed doors over the summer to decide the grades.
But how to choose the right team? So demanding is the grade-award task that great superpowers are needed. And what better structure than that of the Marvel dream team, which works tirelessly over 60 episodes and several feature-length films to save the universe?
But saving the English exam system requires different powers, and therefore an entirely new cast (which has the added benefit of handily avoiding any breaches of copyright).
GCSEs 2021: The superhero dream team for awarding grades
After considerable cogitation over star picks, and some horse-trading, the final line-up is as follows:
1. PowerPoint Man
To run the meetings and conduct the usual examiner briefing, we need an expert in PowerPoint presentations, who can simultaneously comment on the statistical trends.
The obvious choice is Professor Chris Whitty, chief medical officer for England, who already is a successful brand in his own right. He can inspire the nation’s confidence in the procedure, thanks to his gravitas and household fame. And everyone likes a catchphrase: “Next slide, please.”
2. Inflation control
To keep grade inflation under control, we think that a more ruthless hand is needed. If we think of the many hours spent balancing the nation’s books, there are only two candidates for this coveted role. Chancellor Rishi Sunak might be the most obvious choice - but, since he is in spending mood at the moment, a meaner fiscal grasp would have to come from the governor of the Bank of England, Andrew Bailey.
3. Faster than the speed of light
One of the most vocal authorities on how to get the grading right this year has been Tim Oates, group director of assessment research and development at Cambridge Assessment. He could be shoehorned into the squad by virtue of his keenness to get as many tests as possible sat by pupils over the whole course, in order to future-proof exams.
He would also be best placed to deal with the prolific evidence of the super-tester schools. With his attention to detail, he could evaluate each and every test, to ensure that they fairly reflect the assessment objectives and standards of performance. He might lose early momentum as he gets bogged down in the minutiae of the numbers, so could occasionally need a bit of prodding.
4. Summer Holiday Man
We couldn’t conduct a moderation team without the hand of the education secretary. And there would be a delicious irony in making Gavin Williamson miss out on his summer holiday this year - possibly to ensure that discipline is maintained and the examiners are sitting in rows.
He would also be able to bring along his puppy, to provide canine cuddles for overtired, stressed committee members.
5. Wonder Woman
This week’s NEU teaching union conference has shown us all the value of joint general secretary Mary Bousted’s understanding of the limitations of the process and her concern about the stress caused to all involved. I’m sure she would be ideal in protecting the interests of this top team, and would fairly represent any grievances that may arise.
6. Inspection Woman
No education gathering would be complete without the head of Ofsted. Amanda Spielman could cast her inspectorial - and former Ofqual - eyes over the proceedings.
7. Buffalo Bob
Originally I wanted to rope in Buffalo Bill as our expert in the free-for-all exams Wild West, but he wasn’t available. So I decided to give Robert Halfon, chair of the Commons Education Select Committee, his chance to keep track of Ofsted’s involvement. To put his mind at rest, we might include him in the observer role.
With this Magnificent Seven in place, what could possibly go wrong? I foresee a productive summer when teachers and students finally get some respite out in the summer sun.
In the meantime, the top team would be perfectly happy in the secret universe of the basement of one of the exam boards. Or perhaps they could use an empty classroom, to see for themselves just how well social distancing works in schools.
There should be no problem delivering the results a week or so early - if not before - and then standing well back as the appeals come in.
I don’t want to muscle in on the established superhero franchises, but if the Super-Grade Awarders miniseries does take off in 2021, then please remember that I thought of it first.
Yvonne Williams is a head of English and drama in a school in the south of England
