There are certain stock images that have become associated with resilience. The courageous green shoots sprouting and thriving against all odds has often weaved its way into my PowerPoint and assemblies. The analogy of the elastic band, on the other hand, stretching or snapping depending on its elasticity, is more problematic and I now steer clear of it. 

When we teach our students these lessons about resilience, it is often out of context. We say the right things, quote the right people and, of course, show the right images.

But Covid-19 has changed life as we know it. We have seen students adapt in unbelievable ways. They have been remarkable. We should also be thinking about how we approach our conversations about resilience in the future.

Coronavirus: Lessons in resilience

Here are five key messages I will be prioritising:

Acceptance

Our instinct as adults is often to try to fix problems, sometimes even before we have any effective solutions. A life-altering global pandemic has taught us that when things go spectacularly wrong, acceptance is the first step towards resolving and recovering. 

Making peace with the way things are is crucial in effecting meaningful change. With my own children, I have adopted the approach of “hold, don’t heal” for a while now, and allowing them to experience a full range of emotions, including fear and frustration, has made them much more resilient.

Adaptability

Covid-19 has taught us that life sometimes requires us to adjust to a “new normal”. For most of our young people, this is entirely unprecedented and can feel unsettling and isolating. But a big part of being resilient is being able to adapt and adjust in a flexible way. 

I will be talking to our students in a lot more depth about situations that require us to respond with flexibility and open-mindedness. Creative problem-solving should be at the centre of our ethos as schools.

Self-compassion

We excel at encouraging our students to be ambitious and aspirational, and, as staff, we have impressively high expectations of ourselves, too. I believe we need to actively model self-compassion and kindness to our students.

We need to speak to students regularly and sincerely about switching off, unwinding and seeking out the things that give us joy. Glorifying unhealthy levels of work is outdated at best and destructive at worst.

Admitting to struggles

Unfortunately, the world is set up against this. Social media, in particular, invites our young people to present a perfect image of their lives, leading to a spiralling of negative feelings of frustration, inadequacy and failure.

While resilience is about showing strength, we must communicate to our students that it takes great strength to admit that you’re struggling. It is incredibly brave to seek help and I intend to reinforce this idea to my students going forward.

Community

Coming together as a community is enjoyable in the good times but nothing short of therapeutic in difficult times. Schools must reinforce the significance of being meaningfully involved in our communities - to help, to share, to support, to empathise, to reflect, to express gratitude, to laugh and to heal.

Dr Gohar Khan is director of ethos at the Ridgeway Education Trust