Being a headteacher brings with it huge and often overwhelming responsibilities. It is a wonderful yet all-encompassing role - one that cannot be left at the school gates when the bell rings. It is, to me, the best job in the world.

At 35, I knew that if I wanted to try and have a baby it would have to happen soon. However, I had only been a headteacher for a year and a half - change was happening, progress was being made and we had a clear vision of where we were going as a school. We were on a journey and it was exciting.

Like many headteachers, I count the pupils in our school - 637 of them - as my own, often thinking about them, speaking about them and planning things for them well after the end of the school day. So when I found out I was going to have my very own child, there was great joy and gratitude.

But bubbling beneath the happiness and delight were growing worries and anxieties that I found difficult to share: could I be a respected headteacher and a new mother? Would people’s perception of me, as a leader, change? How difficult would it be leaving my role for six months and not being in control?

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As a female fairly new headteacher in a role still dominated by men, I felt I had much to prove - and I was determined that being pregnant was not going to stop this. However, the reality was much more challenging, as my body was changing, I had severe morning sickness and I was experiencing one of the most difficult times in my career: leading a school through a global pandemic.

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I decided not to tell staff that I was pregnant until I was five months (I couldn’t hide it much longer!) because I felt like I was letting them down - they’d put so much trust in me, as a new headteacher, and suddenly I was about to abandon them during a period of great instability.

I worried, too, about who would replace me and if they would change the things that my team and I had worked so hard to implement. I realise now that I put too much pressure on myself (and, indeed, was the only one to do so).

In fact, I was overwhelmed by the joy and love from pupils, parents and staff when I shared the news about Nellie (that’s her with me in the picture below). A poignant moment was when a group of senior girls commented that they felt inspired that I could be a female with a “good job” and still be a mother - it really made me think about a woman’s place in the world.

Much has changed since I have been on maternity leave, like many said it would. I could see that it would be easy to lose my identity, and priorities were suddenly very different.

At the beginning, I was no longer thinking about improvement plans, raising attainment and recovery strategies - I was hanging up tiny white suits in a line of love, scrubbing bottles until they shone and was enchanted by the magic of our gurgling bundle of joy. Being a mother is beautiful, and in many ways like being a headteacher: it is a huge and overwhelming responsibility; an all-encompassing role; it is more than just a day job - and it is the best job in the world.

As I’ve tried to find my way as a new mother, I have experienced a range of emotions. Some people have said to me, “You better not be looking at your school emails!” or, “Make sure you have time out away from us!”, which I have found difficult even when it has been done with the best of intentions. Admittedly, there have been times when not being in school has made me feel inadequate or sidelined or even envious, but I realise now that it is natural - it was what I lived and breathed before, after all. It is OK to think about work as well as thinking about our baby.

On International Women’s Day, and as I prepare to return to school next month, I reflect on having a baby whilst in a leadership position. I will, of course, miss spending every day with my beautiful daughter - it has been magical - and I do feel apprehensive that I might not be able to do the job like I could before. However, I also feel great excitement.

My time away from school has given me the chance to reflect on my role, to think of new ideas, to appreciate the wonderful opportunities I have as a female leader - and I feel rejuvenated and ready to embrace all this not only as a headteacher but as a mother, too. There is much to be proud of and there is much I have learned:

1. The time to have a baby will probably never be “right” - but know that your job and school will still be there when you go back.

2. Try not to be too proud - being pregnant and being in a leadership position is hard work, so take the help and support you’re offered.

3. Women undoubtedly face more challenges than men in leadership positions (taking time out for maternity leave alone is one of these), but women do it every day and it is inspirational.

4. You will (on a daily basis) feel a range of emotions about being a mother and returning to work (guilt, excitement, nervousness and worry), but this is completely natural, and you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself about it

5. Women are leaders and women are mothers - and they can be both at the same time.

Shelley McLaren is headteacher at Craigroyston Community High School, in Edinburgh, and gave birth to baby Nellie in October 2020