Being on maternity leave can be a joyous time.

But it can also be a time when we feel uncertain of our positions and have unanswered questions about what our job roles might be when we return or how we may cope juggling the demands of a bigger family and teaching.

In 2018, after 10 years of trying to conceive and nine miscarriages, I finally delivered a healthy baby girl and enjoyed 11 months of spending time with my new daughter, attending baby groups and meeting other mums.

But for the teacher mums who are currently pregnant or on maternity leave, the experience is very different.

Teacher guilt

Naomi is currently pregnant and, owing to being on the vulnerable list, has been shielding for more than 10 weeks.

She was initially quite surprised to be put on the list, as a lot of the research she had seen focused on those with underlying health conditions - so being told she may no longer be in school was quite an emotional shock.

She recalls: “The next day at school was a bit of a panic of trying to organise long-term cover and having to explain to my classes that because I was pregnant, I would no longer be teaching them. I wasn’t able to tell my tutor group I was pregnant face to face, which was a little sad. One class did give me a round of applause, though, which made up for it!

“This was the day before the announcement that schools would be closing. I think I also genuinely believed that I would be back to work in June.”

She has found the whole experience quite odd. Although her SLT has been very supportive and has worked hard to keep her involved and valued, it has felt strange not going into school to help teach key workers’ children.

Even though she has still been setting work for students and providing feedback, the teacher guilt is beginning to come through.

“I feel guilty at not being able to support students and stand alongside fellow teachers. The media attitude towards teachers hasn’t helped in recent weeks; I already felt like I personally wasn’t doing enough by staying at home and this has only made my guilt and anxiety increase.

“When people applauded key workers, I didn’t feel that that was me. It is most definitely my colleagues, but it’s not me, I’m not on the front line, and not making a difference. There is so much work to be done - it will be very strange to not be a part of such a significant period for the teaching profession.”  

Returning to a changed world

Those who have been on maternity leave through the pandemic and are about to go back are returning to an abstract landscape in education that they do not recognise.

Even if they have done keeping-in-touch (KIT) days in the past few months, the schools and departments they will be returning to bear little resemblance to the ones they left behind.

Diana Bentley is an assistant head who went on maternity leave late last year and returned to work this week.

She feels really grateful for having had a “normal” first six months of maternity leave before lockdown, during which she had access to the groups and other support that you would usually have.

Throughout her maternity leave, she continued to check her emails as a way of keeping up to date so was kept in the loop with developments in the school.

In the past few weeks, in the lead-up to returning to work, she also attended meetings remotely which, she says, was really useful.

Her feelings about going back to work are fairly conflicted. She says: “I think I would be feeling really apprehensive if I had returned full time and had to put Coco into childcare.

“I’m really fortunate that my husband is also a teacher and is responsible for their rota, so we can work around each other when we have to be in. I still feel a little anxious about how we’ll both balance work commitments with a baby to look after, but I feel almost guilty for feeling this way.

“Primary colleagues and those in other sectors don’t have a choice but to put their children into childcare at this point, so we have to make it work.”

Making use of KIT days

Returning to work after a long maternity leave can be stressful at the best of times, as it can often seem like you are on the outside looking in - particularly if KIT days have not been utilised properly. 

But for those who are going back at this time, the pressure seems even greater as they really are returning to an unknown with others who have been in school and had more time to process the changes.

Diana adds: “I feel like the end of maternity leave is more symbolic than real as I won’t be resuming my usual school routine and commute fully until September (unless the government changes their minds), but I’m excited to resume my teacher identity.

“My school have allowed me to use some of my KIT days to help with curriculum planning and doing some training with NQTs, which has definitely reminded me of some of the joy of teaching and being part of the team.”

Schools must do all they can to bear these issues in mind. It’s another thing, of course, but a hugely important one.

If you are feeling anxious about being on maternity leave or returning to work, organisations and networks like the MTPT project (@maternitycpd) on Twitter can help.

Haili Hughes is an English teacher at Saddleworth School in Oldham, Greater Manchester. She tweets @HughesHaili