A level results are out, and the usual crop of blonde girls that have achieved the power of levitation by merely clutching a sheet of A4 festoon our newspapers. (Extra points if these girls are twins who took exactly the same subjects and achieved exactly the same grades.)

As per the annual festivities, the exams are either too challenging or as easy as pie (according to which chip wrapper you subscribe to). There’s too many passes in this thing while there is a dangerous drop in the passes of this other thing and this is either an indication of wonderful progress, or a sign of the impending apocalypse depending on who you’re talking to.

With monotonous regularity it’s stated by folk that your results don’t define who you are while simultaneously they are the only thing that anyone goes on about all day. Celebs decry the validation of such qualifications as they have managed to accrue fame and wealth without so much as a C to their name, yet fail to mention that their Ma and Pa own small islands.

This invariably takes place at the same time as we have profiles of students who have overcome insurmountable odds and have triumphed through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered fighting their way here to the castle of decent grades beyond the goblin city.

Scrutinised and compared

Breakfast news on just about every channel records the drama as it unfolds as TV crews follow the in-no-way-not-randomly-picked teens and definitely not the daughter of the producer’s cousin who’s a shoo in for at least a couple of A*s as they open envelopes and emote for the hungry masses.

Overall pass marks are scrutinised and compared to last year and the year before and the data is then used to extrapolate unending theories as to the state of the nation’s intelligence, resilience, general idleness and what exactly is wrong or right with today’s youth.  

Journalists sit the current exams and write witty opinion columns about how they’ve sat the current exams and how it felt, even though it has absolutely no bearing on anything (least of all those students who actually had to endure the real thing).

Hoards of commentators disclose what they got for their own A levels, what it meant to them, how it has shaped their life, how it has changed from back in their day or how it hasn’t.

Happy faces

Institutions across the country post smiling happy faces of successful students, congratulating them on their success and hard work, sharing in the glory and rightfully praising the hard work of both students and staff in reaching these heady goals. It’s a circus to be sure, but it’s a circus that underlines the importance of it all.

But here’s a thing: A level students are the minority. They’re outnumbered by those taking BTECs and vocational qualifications. So I wonder – where’s the circus for them? They must have trouble levitating, I guess.

Tom Starkey teaches at a college in the North of England