It’s hard to be a girl today. You can’t win, but you can definitely lose. Some girls lose their school, their friends and networks, others lose out on being treated with the respect that they deserve. It’s not a game, and when it comes to non-consensual sharing of nudes - for their sake - it’s time for all of us to take it seriously.
At a recent workshop that Rape Crisis Scotland ran with some brilliant young people, the girls spoke of the pressure they are under to sext, to send intimate pictures of themselves to boys. The pleas come in thick and fast, texts by the minute, boys bombarding them in the hope that they will finally give in. Sometimes demands follow the pleading, and then threats follow those:
“If you don’t send me a pic, I’ll tell everyone you’re frigid.”
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Sometimes intimate images - or nudes - are sent freely and willingly, an avenue for young people to explore their sexuality in a way fitting to the age we live in. We may not like it, but we have to be ready to prevent the abuse of trust and power and respond when someone makes the choice to share those images, a move which they know will degrade and humiliate. If we aren’t, then the consequences can be devastating.
Sexting and consent
We routinely hear from girls who have had their private and personal pictures shared and then, in the space of seconds, those same images have been spread like wildfire both within and beyond school communities. The latest figures from Police Scotland show that this has happened to girls as young as 11.
Stop for a second and imagine how it would feel to have something incredibly personal stolen and shared by someone trusted. Then imagine what it’s like to be a young woman walking through the corridor at school with no clue who has seen your naked picture, and how violated and vulnerable she must feel.
As with other forms of sexual violence, girls who have experienced image-based abuse can self-harm, experience suicidal thoughts, and develop anxiety and depression. Some girls who ask their teachers for help have ended up being asked to leave school for sending nude pictures, others have been forced out through bullying and shaming.
The reality across many parts of Scotland is that this is a phenomenon that is disrupting girls’ right to education and their ability to live their lives free from fear and abuse. Whether it was consensual or coerced, the girls sharing nudes have not done anything wrong. No girl should be punished for the actions of someone else, and yet it is routine that those subject to this gross violation are also held responsible for it, mirroring the broader response of society that asks what she was wearing when she was raped. It is those boys who abuse this trust who are responsible, and they are the ones who should face the consequences.
As a country, we need to talk about consent, and what that looks like in practice. Consent is not a tick-box exercise, it is an active process. Saying “yes” once doesn’t mean saying “yes” to everything forever - consent has boundaries, it can be withdrawn, it can’t be gained through coercion. We all have the right to change our minds.
Teachers play such an important role in young people’s lives. We need leadership from schools in putting consent on the agenda across the country - so that we can prevent anyone, anywhere from sharing an intimate image without it.
Sandy Brindley is CEO of Rape Crisis Scotland
