As a proud sub-editor - and a prouder nerd - my Game of Thrones allegiances were swayed as soon as I saw one of the “kings” battling for the Iron Throne standing up for something greater than money and power: proper grammar. 

I mean, sure, Stannis Baratheon made some mistakes - let he who hasn’t set his young child on fire in the name of career advancement cast the first stone - but, STILL. He had me at “fewer”.

Events have somewhat overtaken Stannis now (what with - spoiler alert - his being dead), but it’s nice to see his memory live on in Davos Seaworth - Onion Knight, world’s best human being and newly literate grammar pedant. 

In last week’s episode, he was seen making the exact same correction to King in the North Jyohn Snuuur, who’d taken a rare break from proclaiming “I HAVE LOOKED INTO THE EYES OF THE NIGHT KING” in the manner of a particularly pretentious 1970s prog rock band. 

That made me look back over the character map of Game of Thrones and realise something truly joyous. This show - this ridiculous fantasy epic, memorably described by Lovejoy actor Ian McShane as being mere “tits and dragons” - demonstrates the very values that the Department for Education wants our schools to instil in the next generation. 

Grit and grammar

Armed with a Wikipedia list of all the Game of Thrones characters and their current state of aliveness, I boiled down those who have successfully navigated Westeros’ notoriously stabby landscape down to four qualities: literacy, grit, humility and not being a total dick. I am aware this rules out some who are still among the living or the undead…but I suspect those people may not be long for this world. Yes, I am looking at you, Queen Cersei and Lord Baelish. 

Take Samwell Tarly, for instance - former member of the Night’s Watch and current piss-pot emptier extraordinaire. Is he the strongest person on the show? No. Is he the absolute best character? Absolutely not: some of his plot lines made me want to actively harm him they were so dull. But he has survived. How? Through learning, resilience, a growth mindset (I can’t defeat the White Walker army…yet) and a willingness to listen to others. 

On the flipside, look at Ned Stark. Poor, dead Ned Stark. Was he literate? Yes. Did he have grit? You betcha. Was he a total dick? Hell, no. But what he lacked was humility: he didn’t listen to others around him and failed to realise he didn’t have the upper hand in the process. 

So if you want to know if the King in the North is going to survive to the end of the series, watch to see the next time he speaks about the number of soldiers in each army. If he realises one side has fewer men, chances are he’ll be OK - for a little while longer, at least. More importantly, he’ll have swayed me round to his cause. 

In the meantime, I’m putting in an FoI request to see exactly how much input Nick Gibb has had into the series - and, indeed, the books that inspired it. It’s too suspicious that it does its level best each week to subconsciously bring the nation round to his educational point of view. The second that Sansa Stark starts insisting that every child at Winterfell takes phonics lessons, the great game will be up, minister. 

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