Child safety, exam results, inspections, parent concerns, staff wellbeing, facility upkeep - and much more. Schools provide an endless stream of stressors for leaders - and, a few years ago, I became one of these stressors myself.

At the beginning of my first assistant headship at a new school, my husband and I learned that we were eligible to adopt and that I would need to take a week off work to attend parenting classes.

I nervously told my headteacher, expecting consternation over a new employee needing not only a week off but also time for bureaucratic appointments and, eventually, parental leave.

But rather than expressing exasperation, my headteacher was joyful for me - the best gift a prospective parent could have. I was told that the week off was no problem, and that we would figure out a maternity plan if and when the adoption happened.

I’m sure covering my classes and remit was a strain, but he never voiced it. He knew that the last thing I needed to hear was doubt about my commitment to the job, so he put on what I’ve heard is called a “pregnancy face” in SLT circles and got on with things.

I had expected the worst because I’d heard and read distressing stories from people who hadn’t had such emotionally adept line managers. It’s a vitally important skill for managers, though, and life is made much harder when a leader is lacking emotional intelligence, or emotional quotient (EQ).

This quality involves the ability to recognise one’s own and others’ varied emotions, use emotional information to guide thoughts and actions, and manage and/or adjust emotions to adapt to situations, as defined by the Dictionary of Psychology.

Because a high EQ correlates with being successful in leadership, employers and recruiters are increasingly asking questions that require job candidates to demonstrate they can read the feelings of others and regulate their own responses.

This quality is particularly important in educational leadership, where a typical day might encompass sensitive contact with social services about a student, a difficult conversation with a colleague about perpetual lateness, a forensic round of questions from governors about teaching and learning strategy and, as my school had recently, a flurry of emails and phone calls from parents concerned about what precautions the school was taking against the coronavirus.

School leaders inevitably have stress, but they cannot let things like complaints or staffing issues impact on their work in creating inspiring cultures of learning that boosts student achievement.

As such, developing a strong EQ is a key part of being an effective leader and there are ways it can be improved. Margaret Andrews of Harvard University’s Division of Continuing Education suggests three steps to help leaders improve their EQ.

Name your emotions Think about the feelings you tend to have in stressful situations. What are they? And how would you prefer to react? When in the midst of uncomfortable circumstances, such as leading a meeting where another colleague is interrupting others and being combative, aim to pause, identify your emotions and consider your next move. “Taking a moment to name your feelings and temper your reactivity is an integral step toward [EQ],” says Andrews.

●Ask for feedback According to Evelyn Orr, of the Korn Ferry Institute, a global consulting business, 79 per cent of executive leaders given a self-awareness assessment had at least one blind spot and 40 per cent had at least one hidden strength. As such, Andrews suggests leaders ask “managers, colleagues, friends or family … how you respond to difficult situations and how adaptable or empathetic you are” to help them understand where their own blind spots may be so that they can work to improve them. At my school, senior and middle management underwent Andy Buck’s Leadership Matters 360 review and learned a lot about how others perceive them, which is crucial for building a strong EQ to become better leaders.

Read literature As an English teacher, this particular suggestion is my favourite. Andrews cites a study that shows a significant link between reading literature - stories written from others’ perspectives - and an increase in people’s empathy. The research also found that participants who were familiar with the most fiction authors scored much higher than others on measurements of social awareness. Our schools already have libraries that house a wealth of literature; this is yet another incentive for us to use them.

To further EQ development, Justin Bariso, author of EQ Applied: the real-world guide to emotional intelligence, also says leaders need to become proactive and intentional about recognising the feelings of others and responding appropriately.

Bariso suggests leaders do the following to build the skill set:

* Explore the “why” We must ask ourselves why a person or group that we are having difficulties with feels the way they do, then explore why we feel differently. If the parents’ association is vigorously challenging your school’s grading policy despite the research and evidence you’ve presented, rather than dismissing them as complainers, try to adopt their perspective and understand their fears. The chances are your response will emit compassion and they’ll be more likely to listen.

* When criticised, don’t take offence Rather, ask: “What can I learn?” Criticism isn’t always delivered in the kindest manner, but that doesn’t mean the message behind it isn’t worthy. I had a colleague who bemoaned the workload of upper school tutors. My first instinct, defensively, was to point out how it was no different to that in similar schools, but upon digging deeper, I learned that he was seriously concerned about the apathy of two of his tutees and didn’t feel like he had the knowledge or support he needed to help them.

Ultimately, a leader with a strong EQ reaps a happier community and better productivity. The Korn Ferry Institute found that “among leaders with multiple strengths in emotional self-awareness, 92 per cent had teams with high energy and high performance”.

Conversely, leaders who lacked this quality “created negative climates 78 per cent of the time”. Anyone who has worked with a leader who seemed unable, or unwilling, to listen to concerns, take action or even show understanding about an incident or situation will know this feeling well.

Settings with a high turnover may find that this is an issue causing staff to become despondent and seek new employment.

Conversely, as my headteacher’s adept response to my family’s needs shows, a positive, EQ-savvy response has the opposite impact: staff feel supported, happy and like where they work.

This means that, for me, four years after that first conversation with my head, I am a dedicated employee who not only has a trusting relationship with him but who also aims to treat others with respect and positive regard in the same manner.

Emily Rankin is the deputy head of upper school and teaching and learning at The English College in Prague, Czech Republic. She is also the regional lead of @WomenEdCzech

This article originally appeared in the 10 April 2020 issue under the headline “Why you need a high EQ to be a great leader”