As teachers across the country put the finishing touches to their end-of-year reports, Tes has managed to unearth a copy of an old primary school report for education secretary Gavin Williamson. See what you make of how Gavin performed at school, back in the 1980s.

 English

Reading, speaking and listening

Gavin is articulate, and speaks in a gentle, lilting voice that often sends people to sleep. 

While he appears to be listening well to his teachers, he often doesn’t pay attention to what they say, does his own thing and gets himself into trouble. This is a key area for improvement.

Gavin reads fluently and with expression. His performance of his own sonnet, ‘Blue me, in love with Maggie T’, broke new ground during this year’s poetry festival. 

An active member of the debating society, his radical ideas about shortening the length of the school lunchtime were equally unpopular among pupils and teachers.

Writing, spelling, handwriting

Gavin’s writing is imaginative, but sometimes loses touch with reality. He should now move on from his series of school-based horror stories involving teachers. 

That said, the headteacher has been impressed with the volume of well-crafted complaint letters that he has penned to her this year about her staff and how they should do their jobs. 

Gavin’s essay on ‘How to annoy educators in every way possible’ was comprehensive, mature for his age and filled two exercise books. His persuasive piece, ‘Reforming the school examination system’, was less successful, being confused, overcomplicated and unfair. The same was true about his newspaper report on ‘Behaviour hubs behind the bike sheds’, about which he was unfairly picked on by some of the older children.

Mathematics

Gavin’s basic understanding of numbers is a worry. Two wrongs do not equal a right, doing things by halves should be confined to lessons on fractions, and statistics should not be used selectively to prove a point. 

His understanding of money still needs attention. An example of this is his substitution of £1.4 billion for £15 billion in a recent assessment, which was completely unacceptable. Consequently, he would benefit from catch-up booster lessons before school, after school and during the summer holidays, if his teachers have the energy to teach him. 

Gavin’s data handling is a strength - his personal lunchtime Yorkshire-pudding tally chart is now in its impressive third year.

Science

Gavin has shown an unhealthy interest in the topics studied this year. Bringing in his pet tarantula for a show-and-tell was welcomed enthusiastically by his classmates, but less so by science teacher Ms Clench, who has now left the school. 

Gavin understands the science behind the formation of bubbles, although he struggled with knowing how to stop them from popping. Likewise, his answers in the assessment on contagious viruses were not wholly convincing. 

Gavin is fascinated by the science of new-fangled computers, and his project on ‘1980s home-schooling using a Commodore 64 or Sinclair ZX Spectrum’ proved interesting, but his idea of being taught from the comfort of his front room was completely far-fetched.

Art and design

Gavin enjoys coming up with new ideas. While on paper they seem plausible, they are often impractical and ill-thought-through, and he ends up making a real mess. He often paints rosy pictures of things that are far from rosy.

History

Gavin struggles in history and sometimes appears not to know what term it is. He has yet to take on board the full concept of time, often writing long and convoluted communications to his teachers on the day before a school holiday.

Geography

Geography is another area of concern, since Gavin often appears lost, without a clear sense of direction. His work on roadmaps was also confusing, although his project ‘Up Brit creek without a paddle,’ was an honest reflection on his work in the field.

Music

Gavin’s vocal rendition of his beloved Scarborough Fair at this year’s music concert had a haunting quality, which attracted dogs from the local area into the school grounds. 

He has a highly individual sense of rhythm, which keeps him out of step with what’s going on around him in school. His role as seventh sheep in this year’s musical production of Boris and his Amazing Teflon-Coated Cabinet was an absolute showstopper.

Physical education

Gavin is a competitive team player, but must remember that, being captain of the team, he must occasionally listen to the thoughts of his own players and admit to his mistakes whenever he drops the ball. Gavin was leading scorer in the team this year, scoring 27 brilliant own goals.

General comment

Gavin is a likeable boy who has shown great resilience this year, bouncing back unscathed from several setbacks. He has enjoyed attending the Young Conservatives club at lunchtimes, where he has kept his position as secretary for two years, despite opposition from other members. It is a difficult role, but he could do better.

Colin Dowland is a primary school headteacher in North London. He tweets as @colindowland