You’ve pushed it back twice already, so when the office calls with a message to ring a pupil’s parent to discuss the upcoming residential trip, you eye the 3.30 meeting in your calendar with unease.

Emma will understand, you decide. You pick up the phone to ring the parent while sending a quick email: “Em, can we do the one-to-one tomorrow instead?”

A regular face-to-face meeting with those you manage (a one-to-one) is established practice in business. It should be in schools, too. But they are often deferred in favour of seemingly more pressing issues. This is a bad idea.

The premise is simple: an individual’s work and personal issues continuously need addressing and people continually need managing to ensure they are performing to the best of their abilities. The one-to-one is a time to do this, as well as offering a chance for the small irritations on either side to be nipped in the bud early, and for relationships to be continuously built upon.

Making them happen, though, can be tough. In a busy school day, they are one of the easiest things to drop. You promise to catch up later, but the meeting is moved again and again as more is piled on to your to-do list.

The responsibility lies with leaders to commit to them and make them happen, as planned. If not, you are quite simply not doing your job. The risk is not only that the staff member may not perform as well as they could, but that resentment will build up and you end losing them or finding discontent spread among others.

So how can you make them as effective as possible?

Arrive prepared

When preparing for a one-to-one, the first thing you need to do is jointly plan the meeting. Both participants should come with “agenda lines, so it becomes a collaborative meeting rather than a relationship between a superior and a subordinate,” advises Kim Cameron, a professor of management and organisations at the Ross School of Business at the University of Michigan.

These could include “organisational and job issues, information-sharing, training and development, resource needs, interpersonal issues, obstacles to improvement, targets and goals, personal career aspirations, appraisal and feedback and personal issues”.

“When people feel valued and can improve as a result of the meeting, it becomes self-perpetuating,” he says.

At the very least, you need to ask the member of staff to come to the meeting with a checklist of what they would most like to discuss, adds Elizabeth Grace Saunders, a time management coach and author.

“[This could include] a tough decision they want to talk through, a project plan where they want feedback, a difficult discussion they need to have with a colleague,” says Saunders. “That way you can make sure you cover what’s most important to them.”

The senior team leader should also consider producing a list of wat the member of staff has been doing well and what specific actions or behaviours have been problematic.

“Use your lists to present a good news, bad news, good news sandwich,” suggests Susan Heitler, author of mental health tome Prescriptions Without Pills.

She says that after each item, you should use a “how” or “what” question to explore their reaction - such as “How can I help?” and “What can I do that would make this easier?” - which can even be prepared in advance.

“Discuss both their concerns and yours, validating their worries and at the same time asking a follow-up question about what might have been a more effective way to address that concern,” she says.

Make it informal

Kim Scott, co-founder of Radical Candor and author of Radical Candor: Be a Kickass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity, says it’s useful to stop thinking of these interactions as meetings and instead treat them as if you were having lunch or coffee with someone you want to get to know a little better.

“For example, if scheduling them over a meal helps, make them periodic lunches,” she says. “If you and your direct report like to walk and there’s a good place to take a walk near the office, make it a walking meeting.”

End with a plan

As the meeting draws to a close, you need to summarise the main points of the discussion and the follow up actions or items that each of you have agreed to do, Heitler says.

“Then end on a positive note, for instance, expressing thanks for the good works he or she has done, or for something you especially appreciated in the meeting,” she adds.

Don’t overdo it

Be aware that while it’s important to have regular one-to-one meetings, you shouldn’t lean too heavily on them.

“Do not save up all of your criticism for a one-to-one meeting,” Scott advises. “If you need to deliver feedback to someone, that should ideally happen during an impromptu conversation as soon as possible. If it’s a situation you need to follow up on, you can then ask your report to add regular updates about the issue to their one-to-one agenda.”

Simon Creasey is a freelance writer

This article originally appeared in the 6 September 2019 issue under the headline “One-to-one love (let’s get together and feel all right)”