Find me a school leader who has never declared publicly that “my door is always open to come and talk”.

But while you hope the offer means colleagues will come seeking your wisdom on issues around the curriculum, staffing or assessment, on occasions you can face a completely left-field conversation that leaves your game face truly tested.

Such a situation occurred when I first arrived in Moldova. My PA said a colleague had made an appointment to talk about the school. So, you can imagine my surprise when she proceeded to bring out a catalogue of lip implants and eye lifts wanting to know my professional opinion on what would be the best professional look for her if she wanted to progress into school leadership.

It’s not the only unexpected conversation I’ve had since then either. Should someone leave their partner, should they accept a job at a rival school, and even what would be the best pet for a child who doesn’t like cats, rabbits or dogs? Moldova being Moldova, they settled on a pony and a llama.

A touch of the confessional

Some leaders state, categorically, that you cannot be friends with the people you manage in a professional organisation because, at some point, the buck stops with you and you will have a professional discussion that won’t be the one a colleague you line manage wants.

Perhaps it is the aloofness of the role that gives it a touch of the confessional that can be taken too far.

A teaching assistant once asked to see me about her career plan. Instead, she sat in my room and produced a large flow chart diagram of who she thought was not doing a proper role in the school, who was in a relationship with who, and even who she thought should be together.

I had to really fight back my astonishment and decide how to deal with it - I basically nodded a lot, said “interesting” repeatedly, and told her to leave it with me.

The random and the bizarre

Find me a leadership course that prepares you for that. Well, I say that, but I once did a National Professional Qualification for Headship that included a role-play session for “difficult conversations” and the person I was supposed to talk to about why his promotion hadn’t been agreed was a jobbing actor from Casualty.

In the staged meeting, he went off script and started shouting at me that his wife had left him, he was in a dispute with his neighbours and he really hated teaching but couldn’t think of anything else to do. It was a touch over the top.

With hindsight, he knew more than I realised - strange conversations, unexpected interjections and overly revealing insights into people’s private lives are part and parcel of headship and responding correctly is not easy.

After all, as a leader, one day you may be offering what you consider sage advice, the next you may be making tough decisions about the future direction of a school that impacts your workforce, or having to raise problems with attainment outcomes with certain staff.

Too much knowledge of their lives, or a sense you have become a confidant, could make the situation a lot harder.

The reality is, when staff open up in unexpected ways or ask your opinion on matters that are not really in your domain to give advice on, you have to do your best to acknowledge you are being entrusted with insights into someone’s life and that your wisdom is being sought, without saying anything too definitive.

Buy time and play it cool

The mantra of “respond, don’t react” is key and that response should be non-committal, understanding but not too familiar, suggesting perhaps you are not really the right person for this sort of thing, without making them feel silly for confiding in you.

Of course, there will be times when a conversation may require a more direct response, just perhaps not to what they are bringing up.

For instance, is a difficult family life impacting their ability to do their job and some time off or a reduction in workload may be helpful, or are their health experts the school has access to that they may benefit from speaking to?

There is no simple solution to this and all leaders, new or old, will know something unexpected can always turn up.

Perhaps the silver lining is if you have an environment where staff feel comfortable revealing personal matters or seeking your advice, you have succeeded in creating a school culture where people are safe, secure and able to be themselves.

Rob Ford is director of Heritage International School in Chisinau, Moldova