Every teacher has to deal with challenging behaviour. But very few of us have to deal with those incidents that escalate into something else, something extreme, something that knocks you off your feet and obliterates your confidence for weeks. 

I am one of the few. I can’t tell you what the incident was for safeguarding reasons, but I can tell you how it impacted me. I suffered a loss of confidence that took my breath away. It happened so very fast, but the self-blame went on for weeks afterwards. 

Self-blame

I have since spoken to other teachers who have experienced an extreme behaviour incident and they say the same - they blamed themselves. 

It took me a long time to reach a level of acceptance that no matter what I had done, I wouldn’t have been able to prevent the incident from happening, or change it. There were external factors at work beyond my control.

I don’t want others to have to go through those weeks of horrible self-doubt and guilt. So I wanted to share some points that might help you recover if it happens to you. 

1. Be honest with yourself

This does not mean the incident was your fault. But being able to analyse the situation is the first step to building from it. Could you have called in colleagues earlier, highlighted the problem sooner, challenged the behaviour policy more vigorously? Knowing your own role in the incident is crucial if you are then going to analyse the role of others. 

2. Review school policies

Speak to the senior leadership team (SLT) at your school. A reflective school is always looking at the “flux” in behaviour - look closely enough and you will observe patterns over time of the behaviour of your students. What is affecting it? Does the school policy reflect what is needed? Sometimes SLT (myself included) need to hear from colleagues about what is working, what is not. If you don’t tell them, they won’t know. And they ought to listen to you. Adopting a sweeping policy that treats all incidents in the same way is rarely successful. Talking helps to increase the feeling of psychological safety, where staff can express how they feel without fear of having their opinions sidelined.

3. Be consistent 

If you are to begin teaching the pupil again, you need to be consistent and not single that child out with a different approach in class. Be confident about your behaviour approach, whether you have tweaked it in response or whether you are sticking to your established ethos. Most of all be consistent - the pupil in question and their classmates need the stability of seeing you respond calmly to any situation that may arise. Record everything so you can refer back to your notes if necessary.

4. Don’t let it become personal

Children can say unkind things. Remember the young person that you are dealing with may be dealing with their own problems. Do not lose your focus, keep the situation very much about what behaviour you would like to see and not about you versus them. 

5. Your class is the priority

If an extreme situation occurred within your class, the chances are that your pupils may have witnessed you in a vulnerable or dangerous situation. They need to know that you are OK, that you can put the situation behind you. You may want to do some work around conflict management or restorative justice if other children were involved, or build a new class code if your ethos needs adjustment. Most of all, return as quickly as possible to the positive to counteract bad feelings that may be left. This person has chosen their path, they made the wrong choice, the rest of us are moving onwards and upwards, we are a team and we are strong together. Let that be your message, and the incident may well serve as an important learning experience about not always being able to control others’ negative behaviour.

6. Get away from a blame culture 

Blame is a key theme regarding behaviour in schools. Some blame the families, some blame the class teacher, some blame the policy. Surely we are better than that? Surely we can work together to reach a workable solution to behaviour issues? 

I have a scar on my hand, a reminder of the incident. But I can look at it and remember all the positive things parents and carers have said to me and thanked me for, and that is more important. 

Lucy Moss is a deputy head in a Lancashire school