We all know that being in lockdown has taken a toll on everyone. Whether it’s teachers getting to grips with online learning, students coming to terms with the fact they won’t be sitting their exams this year, or Jake the dog getting more fuss and attention than ever before.

For students with SEND, lockdown also presents additional challenges. Here’s my experience: 

One day in Spring 2018, I woke up feeling not quite right. Fast forward to 28 March 2019 - two months before my GCSE exams - and I received a diagnosis of ME. In a nutshell, ME is a neurological condition that affects my energy levels and brain activity. A year-or-so on and my team of NHS heroes are still running tests to see what else might be going on, which means that - both physically and emotionally - things aren’t as settled as you might want them to be. Add into that the threat of the coronavirus and the need to social distance, and you’ve got yourself quite the mix. 

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Restrictions of lockdown

The positive of my situation is that, to an extent, I’m prepared for the restrictions that lockdown presents: for example, my ability to have late nights at parties and to spend hours on end out and about is sometimes limited, so I’m used to spending some days indoors not doing much. That’s not to say, however, that I’m not craving interaction and hanging out with all my friends, though!  

We also all know that Covid-19 presents a threat to everyone. We are in the middle of a pandemic, after all. I’ve always got to pay attention to my day-to-day health and hygiene, as I pick up colds and viruses more easily and I struggle to “shake them off” as quickly when I do get them. The coronavirus, therefore, heightens an underlying anxiety: hand washing, two-metre social distancing, and only making essential journeys has been important for everyone, but especially for those who are in the “vulnerable” or “extremely vulnerable” groups. I’m vulnerable, but not extremely vulnerable, so don’t need to shield, instead, I have to practice “stringent” social distancing. I get sore throats, fevers, and headaches fairly frequently, so I’m sure you can imagine the panic that I feel at the moment when one of those sets on - is it the coronavirus? Should I be worried? 

Now that we can’t do it, I think everyone is realising just how much we took seeing people face-to-face for granted. For me, seeing and talking to people is a key part of my coping strategy for daily life. I’m beyond fortunate and so thankful to have a truly amazing support network around me - whether it’s teachers (both present, but also past, who are still keen to hear how I am), mentors, family or friends. While they’re still there, on Zoom and Facetime, it’s not quite the same. Last weekend, I got to see one of my best friends for a socially distant chat in the park, where we mulled over everything; I cannot put to words the power, and effect, that had on me mentally.

In normal times, I like to think of my days like a number line. Everything good adds 1, everything bad minuses 1. If at the end of the day I’m on 0, I consider that as a neutral, balanced day. It is, of course, perfectly normal to have days where I end on a minus; not every day is going to be amazing. For example, today might look like: this article gets published, + 3. I had a distinction grade returned on an assignment, +1. But, I’m struggling with nerve twitches, so that’s -5. I’m on -1, so I know I need to try and do something else that makes my day good. I might take my dog for a walk or go and see a friend.

I’ve been trying to keep that idea going in lockdown, too. But it would be easy to get drowned in negatives, so I’m keeping it a bit lighter: I baked some brownies that were amazing, + 3. We did the family quiz, + 1. Then the lockdown negatives might look like: I had to queue for a long time in the supermarket, making my legs tired, -2. I’ve just finished the last episode on my latest series on Netflix, -1.

Some might suggest that I’m shying away from reality, but I don’t think so: there is so much that is out of my control at the moment - both because of the coronavirus but also my personal health - that it’s important to just remind myself of what I can control at the moment.

You may be reading this and thinking that you can relate to most of what I’ve said - missing friends, having a heightened sense of anxiety, needing to adapt. I feel that the coronavirus is levelling us all, as both students and teachers, in a way that few things before have, and we really are all in this together. We’re helping each other through it, and I truly believe students with SEND have a level of empathy that allows us to help our friends and, to an extent, teachers more.

We really can relate to what you’re feeling, and we know exactly what you mean when you describe how you feel, being isolated, frustrated, and - sometimes - lonely. When we need you to help us through the “normal” days, we’ve been able to help you through the more unusual times.

Alfie Payne is a creative media college student at Farnborough College of Technology.