“Historically, teachers are expected to be a bit robotic and not share any personal information with their pupils. I’ve never understood it,” says Judith Murphy, a part-time teacher in Scotland.

“Teachers need to be professional but I always thought about that in terms of teaching practice and the code of conduct. I’ve never agreed with the line that being professional means not being a woman, not menstruating and not suffering from grief,” she continues.

“We’re living in an age where we need to be ready to talk about anything with our pupils. And yet, we are expected to hide parts of our own lives: our anatomy, sexual orientation or whatever it may be.”

For most of her career, Murphy was discouraged from sharing her personal experience in the classroom. She was disciplined for telling a class she was suffering from period pain and, when her brother-in-law was dying from cancer, she was told not to bring her grief into the classroom.

Being an open book

But not anymore: today, she is an open book with her pupils, particularly when it comes to talking about the effects of the menopause.

“I believe if a pupil asks you a question, you should never avoid it but answer it openly and honestly,” she says.

It’s a stance that many others would shy away from adopting. Why?

Well, there is, of course, that age-old perception from pupils that away from the classroom, their teachers don’t have lives. We laugh when the smallest of children ask if teachers live at school and at their shock when they bump into their teacher at the supermarket.

But beyond the school gates, teachers do have lives and, at any given time, could be dealing with a host of personal problems: grief, being ill themselves or a tricky break-up. On the other hand, they could be experiencing great joy: discovering a new passion, getting married or having children.

So, how far should these experiences be shared with the pupils you see every day? And how much are you even allowed to share?

Sharing personal information in class

While there is no statutory requirement that you don’t share personal details with your pupils, guidance published by the Department for Education in 2021 states that “all staff have a responsibility to ensure that they act appropriately in terms of their behaviour, the views they express (in particular, political views) and the use of school resources at all times, and should not use school resources for party political purposes”.

In the teacher standards document published by the DfE, it says: “Teachers uphold public trust in the profession and maintain high standards of ethics and behaviour, within and outside school, by: treating pupils with dignity; building relationships rooted in mutual respect and; at all times; observing proper boundaries appropriate to a teacher’s professional position.”

John Newton, Gemma Clark, Ben Thomas* and Sarah Smith* all agree with Murphy. They have all shared parts of their personal lives with their pupils - and have no regrets.

For example, when he was a headteacher, Newton was open about the fact that he is gay; he never tried to hide this fact from pupils, staff or parents.

Clark shares her experience of being dyslexic with her pupils. The fact that Thomas is living with stage 4 bowel cancer is known by everyone at his school and Smith has open conversations about what it’s like to have a smear test with her class.

None of them has been open from the beginning: like Murphy, they were either warned about revealing personal information or were initially embarrassed to do so.

Clark, for example, was told that revealing she was dyslexic would mean parents would believe she couldn’t read or write. Newton, on the other hand, was told by an experienced teacher that his sexuality was best kept to one side.

But since opening up to colleagues and pupils, they all say they are happier at school and, crucially, feel they are better teachers as a result.

Becoming a better teacher

“For years, I was closeted to everyone: colleagues, parents, pupils. I avoided questions about my home life, about how I spent my weekends. I regret it so much,” says Newton.

“When I made the decision to come out to everybody: children, colleagues, governors, parents - and when I say ‘out’, I don’t mean having a pride march, I just mean answering personal questions honestly - I truly felt that I was my authentic self at school.

“I was far more successful as a leader because of it. And our school was very successful because of the climate and culture that we created there of tolerance and acceptance.”

Pupils see you as human

For Clark, being able to talk freely about her dyslexia has improved the relationship she has with her class - they now find her more approachable and relatable, which she believes encourages them to be open about their own needs, allowing them to cater to those needs more effectively.

“If the children know you’ve found things hard, if they know that you’ve had to persevere through things, they know that they can do it, too. They see you as human, not just as a person who knows everything and has never struggled with anything,” she says.

“You become much more approachable and show that you’ve got genuine empathy for them and that you understand what it’s like for them. It creates a safe space to talk.”

And it’s not just pupils with dyslexia who approach Clark: she says those with autism and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) have also confided in her and become more confident in the classroom.

Being open about health

For both Thomas and Smith, being open about their health and their experiences hasn’t just been freeing for them - it has also facilitated really important conversations with pupils.

Hours after Thomas was diagnosed with cancer, he returned to school and told his colleagues the news. He then told pupils in a whole-school assembly.

After six months away from school for treatment, Thomas returned to work. He says he is determined to teach his pupils that cancer isn’t terrifying, as well as the importance of going to the doctor at the first sign of symptoms.

“Sometimes, there are very touchy conversations. But I told the kids, I’m going to fight this with everything I’ve got. I want them to be part of the journey and I wanted to prove to them that cancer doesn’t have to be as scary as it first sounds, and that you can still smile and laugh and be ambitious and have dreams,” he says.

“I ignored the signs for two years and now I beg my pupils to go to the doctor as it’s never a waste of your time,” he continues.

“Last year, a girl found a lump on her breast and she went straight to the GP. Thankfully, she’s fine, but she told her form tutor that if it wasn’t for me constantly encouraging them to check out lumps, she wouldn’t have gone. That was incredibly rewarding.”

Honest conversations

Smith, too, decided to talk about a personal health experience in a bid to encourage pupils to take steps that could save their lives.

The first time a pupil asked her, “Miss, what’s it like to have a smear test?”, she was taken aback. It’s such a personal experience, she says, that she initially felt uncomfortable sharing it with her class. She simply said, “Well, it’s not dignified”, and left it at that.

However, on reflection, she decided that being open about the experience would benefit pupils. So, in her next lesson, she broached the subject.

“I didn’t go into graphic detail obviously, but I explained what would happen, and said things like, if you wear a dress or a skirt, rather than trousers, you can feel a bit more protected and covered. And it turned into a really honest conversation,” she says.

“Ultimately, this is a procedure that could save lives. You have to push the boundaries on things like this. There’s not really a place to teach it objectively.”

Where’s the line?

While all of these teachers are comfortable having these conversations - and believe it to be necessary - not everyone will feel the same way. It’s completely natural to feel apprehensive about sharing a personal part of yourself with the pupils you teach every day.

So, is there a limit on what should be shared? Safeguarding obviously needs to be a consideration, as does the age of the pupils you’re talking to. But beyond that, where are the professional boundaries?

“Everyone feels differently about it. It’s so individualised,” says Smith. “I’ve got colleagues who would not want to have those conversations at all, and that’s just who they are. I think it reflects our generation: lots of us have parents and grandparents who never mention the words ‘sex’ or ‘smear test’.”

You have to have the right rapport with your pupils, too, she adds - and most teachers will know instinctively what’s appropriate to share and what isn’t. It’s just about whether or not you are comfortable doing so.

Teacher privacy

However, if someone is really uncomfortable, they should never be forced to reveal private details, says Newton. But if they are willing to open up a bit, it can be hugely beneficial to the pupils.

“Of course, there needs to be limits - particularly in primary schools, when talking to younger children. Teachers have a right to privacy,” he says. “However, I would also say, don’t forget that we’re not just there to impart learning, we are there to reflect the fullness of society and humanity to these children.

“We’re there to teach them how to interact and be part of the world that they’re going to be part of. So, for me, I’d always encourage all sorts of diversity within any school.”

Clark agrees. “Obviously, teachers need to be comfortable,” she says. “But if they can share personal details, it is better for the pupils. It’s good for them to know they are taught by all different kinds of people, who have experienced all kinds of things.

“Ultimately, it helps them to know, it’s OK to be who you are; everyone is different, everyone experiences all sorts of things, and that’s fine.”

*Names have been changed to keep anonymity