Tomorrow, thousands of students across the country will open white envelopes with trembling hands. The contents of the paper inside said envelope is, of course, a matter of life or death. Whilst parents are waiting on tenterhooks at home, in the car park, or in some cases, hovering “casually” outside the school gates, the local and national press wait poised with their cameras and dictaphones, looking for the jumps of joy and wails of disappointment.

As the mass hysteria breaks out, it will be increasingly difficult for the mere mortal to navigate their way through social media or a news website without stumbling across certain clichés. The question isn’t how many of the following you will see, but how many hours will it take you to get a full house?

Welcome to Tes’ A-level results day bingo. Eyes down, dabbers ready…

Jumping for joy

Pictures of (predominately white, blonde, female) pupils leaping in the air with their results clutched firmly in their hands, their mouths frozen in an “OMG I’m like, totes off to uni with my set of totally amazing results, look how high I can jump, woohoo!” smile.

Genius child outsmarts everyone

The seven-year-old who found the A-level advanced maths paper a breeze, and has her eyes set starting Oxbridge by the ripe old age of 10.

Siblings bring home the bacon

Imagine not just having one child who’s opening results, but, two, three or even four. And, of course, the twins, triplets and quadruplets (special prize to the player who spots this lot) will all have matching results. Spooky…

Teaching the kids how it’s done

The teacher who sat exams 30 years ago (when they were much tougher) and this year took A-level physics alongside his pupils for “fun”. He is “delighted” when Scott the swot gets a higher mark than him.

Tweets from celebrities

Keep your eyes peeled for the “I never got any A levels and I won Celebrity Big Brother, have my own range of eyelashes and drive a Range Rover. Just be yourself. xoxo” tweets.